The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is commonly argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
people
in future
may experience less well being
in comparison with current time agree with Add a hyphen
well-being
such
point
of view since the rate of Correct article usage
a point
people
's engaging with technology
will reach it's
peak in Replace the word
its
future
plan and it will Correct article usage
the future
leads
to several difficulties and fatal disease for humans 'health and I will assert my compelling reasons in following Change the verb form
lead
paragraghs
.
During the recent decades, Correct your spelling
paragraphs
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
in every field has witnessed a
considerable growth, Remove the article
apply
whereas
booming in technology
always not accompany with well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
for
individuals as Change preposition
of
an evidence
: Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
although
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
comapnies
experienced Correct your spelling
companies
a
dramatic progress in their production Remove the article
apply
this
development results
Wrong verb form
has resulted
to
a Change preposition
in
prennial
problem of air pollution.
Correct your spelling
perennial
On the other hand
,people
nowadays prefer to do sedentary jobs rather than Correct your spelling
physical
physically
physicall
jobs so Correct your spelling
physical
Correct your spelling
this
thi s
preference causes Correct your spelling
this
Correct your spelling
several
severe
severl
cramped Correct your spelling
several
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
such
as heart attack or diabetes ,then
in near
Correct article usage
the near
future
we will face with huge
number of Add an article
a huge
the huge
people
who suffer from obesity and fatal
disease, so it can be seen as Correct article usage
a fatal
technology
grow the number pf
Correct your spelling
of
people
who tend to do desk job increase
on the other hand
, we see that the number of treatment
is on the rise for Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
evey diseas
and Correct your spelling
every disease
such
cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
technology
may helo people
to suffer less
fatal Correct quantifier usage
fewer
disease
forinstance, in 2019 Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
although
majority
of Add an article
the majority
a majority
people
in all
world suffered from corona virus new Correct determiner usage
the
treatment
rescued many ill Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
people
. in conclusion, i
strongly believe that in Change the capitalization
I
near
Correct article usage
the near
future
people
will see the lowest level of health since technology
can not keep pace with individuals
considerationChange noun form
individuals'
individual's
Submitted by amirshajarizadeh on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. The use of paragraphs is haphazard, and transitions between ideas are abrupt or non-existent. To improve, focus on organizing your ideas into a logical sequence. Each paragraph should contain one main idea, supported by explanations or examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they require significant improvement. Both should clearly state your position and summarize the main points (for the conclusion). Ensure that your introduction sets the stage for your argument, while your conclusion effectively wraps up your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but the supporting details and examples are not always clear or relevant. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and expand on that idea with well-chosen evidence or examples. Additionally, ensure all examples are directly related to the question prompt.
Task Achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but it would benefit from a clearer explanation of your views. Be sure to directly address the prompt and clearly outline the extent to which you agree or disagree.
Task Achievement
While you have attempted to communicate ideas, they are not always clear or comprehensive. Work on expressing your thoughts more clearly and developing your ideas more fully. Each paragraph should explore one main idea thoroughly.
Task Achievement
The essay provides some relevant examples, but they need to be more specific and directly linked to the task. Make sure every example strengthens your argument and is explicitly connected to the question prompt.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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