Some companies prefer people to work in the office, while others facilitate their employees to work from home. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some enterprises are fond of having staff working in the
office
,
while
other employers assist subordinates to work from a distance. The idea of working from home appeals to me because it is not only economical for hirers but
also
gives more flexibility for employees.
Firstly
, a key factor in my agreement with working remotely is that it saves the cost on many aspects for the employers.
For example
,
this
saves fixed costs
such
as the rent for renting an
office
, utility bills and some electronic equipment like printers or computers.
Moreover
, it lowers personnel costs, especially for cleaners. In the long run, all these benefits save substantial expenditure for a company.
Secondly
, staff can utilize their
time
more freely and enhance live quality.
For instance
, they can save
time
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
commuting to the
office
in the morning,
instead
, of doing workouts in the gym where nearby their house, refreshing the day, and having more
vigor
Change the spelling
vigour
show examples
for tasks.
In addition
, if their child gets sick, they will be able to take care of the child
while
working, meanwhile, sharing more
time
with family.
Furthermore
, with more
time
and energy kept,
this
allows
people
to acquire other skills and knowledge so that
people
might be capable of becoming a slashie.
This
allows
people
to have freedom of using
time
and better financial status.
In contrast
, some individuals argue that working in the
office
is more efficient.
People
can talk in person, no need to wait for responses and errands can be done faster.
However
, I believe
this
concept will gradually fade away since generations are changing, these problems will all be conquered with technology someday. In brief, I reckon telecommuting is the best way of working. It offers a benign cycle between employers and subordinates. Companies can distribute saved expenses as bonuses for employees, it can be an inducement to reduce turnover rate so that save
time
and money on training newbies.
Also
, staff can keep a healthier work and life balance with the flexibilities they have, these positive effects lead to better work performance and lifestyle,
thus
, increasing the revenue for the company.
Submitted by wendy190427 on

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Try to make your examples more specific and directly related to the point you are making. This will help reinforce your arguments and make them more compelling.
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Pay attention to certain word choices and clarity in expression. For example, 'slashie' might not be a widely recognized term. Using more universally understood terminology will help make your essay more accessible and clearer to a wider audience.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. This is crucial in making your essay feel complete and well-structured.
Task Achievement
You provide balanced perspectives on both sides of the issue before stating your own opinion, which is a good approach to tackle 'discuss both views and give your opinion' type questions.
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Your examples are relevant and help to illustrate your points well, making your argument more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay is well-organized overall, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. This makes your argument easy to follow and understand.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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