IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some companies prefer people to work in the office, while others facilitate their employees to work from home. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some enterprises are fond of having staff working in the
office
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other employers assist subordinates to work from a distance. The idea of working from home appeals to me because it is not only economical for hirers but
also
Linking Words
 gives more flexibility for employees.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a key factor in my agreement with working remotely is that it saves the cost on many aspects for the employers.
For example
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 saves fixed costs
such
Linking Words
 as the rent for renting an
office
Use synonyms
, utility bills and some electronic equipment like printers or computers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it lowers personnel costs, especially for cleaners. In the long run, all these benefits save substantial expenditure for a company.
Secondly
Linking Words
, staff can utilize their
time
Use synonyms
 more freely and enhance live quality.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can save
time
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 commuting to the
office
Use synonyms
 in the morning,
instead
Linking Words
, of doing workouts in the gym where nearby their house, refreshing the day, and having more
vigor
Change the spelling
vigour
show examples
 for tasks.
In addition
Linking Words
, if their child gets sick, they will be able to take care of the child
while
Linking Words
 working, meanwhile, sharing more
time
Use synonyms
 with family.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with more
time
Use synonyms
 and energy kept,
this
Linking Words
 allows
people
Use synonyms
 to acquire other skills and knowledge so that
people
Use synonyms
 might be capable of becoming a slashie.
This
Linking Words
 allows
people
Use synonyms
 to have freedom of using
time
Use synonyms
 and better financial status.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some individuals argue that working in the
office
Use synonyms
 is more efficient.
People
Use synonyms
 can talk in person, no need to wait for responses and errands can be done faster.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 concept will gradually fade away since generations are changing, these problems will all be conquered with technology someday. In brief, I reckon telecommuting is the best way of working. It offers a benign cycle between employers and subordinates. Companies can distribute saved expenses as bonuses for employees, it can be an inducement to reduce turnover rate so that save
time
Use synonyms
 and money on training newbies.
Also
Linking Words
, staff can keep a healthier work and life balance with the flexibilities they have, these positive effects lead to better work performance and lifestyle,
thus
Linking Words
, increasing the revenue for the company.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. This can be done by using linking words or phrases and by making sure that each paragraph logically follows from the preceding one. This will help enhance the logical structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to make your examples more specific and directly related to the point you are making. This will help reinforce your arguments and make them more compelling.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to certain word choices and clarity in expression. For example, 'slashie' might not be a widely recognized term. Using more universally understood terminology will help make your essay more accessible and clearer to a wider audience.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument. This is crucial in making your essay feel complete and well-structured.
Task Achievement
You provide balanced perspectives on both sides of the issue before stating your own opinion, which is a good approach to tackle 'discuss both views and give your opinion' type questions.
Task Achievement
Your examples are relevant and help to illustrate your points well, making your argument more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay is well-organized overall, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. This makes your argument easy to follow and understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: