IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that keeping pets is beneficial for longevity while others believe that household animals are not healthy for people to have as companions. Discuss both sides of the argument and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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People have different views about whether it is beneficial to have a pet at home. Some suggest that
pets
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 will promote the longevity of
humans
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 as
pets
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 bring joy to the household,
while
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 some disagree as they believe that
pets
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 are unhygienic and will cause
health
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 problems in
humans
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. An elaboration of both points of view with relevant examples and personal experience will be highlighted in
this
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 essay.
Pets
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,
such
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 as dogs and cats, are commonly embraced as they bring joy and companionship to people and families. Their presence always gives emotional support, providing comfort and reducing stress levels for their owners. In my own experience, playing with my dog after I come home from university helps to reduce my anxiety and stress.
Moreover
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, some studies even suggest that interacting with
pets
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 can promote longevity by fostering a sense of happiness within households.
However
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, a counterargument
believes
Verb problem
is that
show examples
pets
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 are unhygienic and can cause
health
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 issues in
humans
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. Some animals carry allergens in their fur or shed parasites that can trigger
health
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 problems in
humans
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.
For instance
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, cat fur has been known to trigger allergies, particularly causing harm to individuals with conditions like asthma.
Consequently
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, owning
pets
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 may be life-threatening to some individuals. In conclusion, pet keeping can be beneficial and harmful to the household, which totally depends on their
health
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 condition.
Pets
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 can increase a person's level of happiness and ultimately their longevity.
Nonetheless
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, for individuals with underlying
health
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 issues, the presence of
pets
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 may exacerbate their conditions, causing potential harm.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that the essay has a clear and strong progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion. Each paragraph should have a central idea that is elaborated upon with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are clearly present and reflect the purpose of the essay. Both should be distinct and serve their functions effectively: introducing the topic and summarizing the argument or discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points should be supported with well-developed arguments or explanations. Try to include more detailed examples, statistics, or expert opinions to substantiate each main point.
task achievement
To fully address the task, ensure all parts of the question are answered and the response is complete. This includes discussing both views and including personal examples or experiences as the prompt requests.
task achievement
Strive to express ideas clearly and comprehensively. Ideas should be explained in depth with clarity to support the overall argument or discussion within the essay.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples that are directly connected to the main points. Personal experience is good, but also try to incorporate broader evidence or anecdotes to enhance the argument.
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