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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

OTHERS ARGUE THAT BUYING EXPENSIVE TOYS TO CHILDREN IS NOT NECESSARY AS THEY CAN PLAY WITH ANY OBJECTS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

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Playing need not involve pricey
things
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. Some people argue that getting expensive
toys
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 for
children
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 is not important as playing can be done with any
objects
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. In
this
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 essay, I would argue that,
however
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 it may not be necessary to buy expensive
things
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 for the
children
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 to play with, they can not
also
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 play with random
objects
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 at home as some
things
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 could lead to serious injuries.
Children
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 learn best from interacting and actively socializing with their most important people or other playmates. Playing shouldn’t always involve
toys
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, there should always be another way
such
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 as physical activities that suggests working as a team like “Dakop Dakopanay”.
This
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 kind of game involves players and a shark looking for its prisoner, and ensuring that no one gets touched by the shark to avoid getting in prison.
In addition
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,
children
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 at their young age have the most active mind that learns faster, and the best time to prepare them for something bigger like learning to solve puzzles and crosswords which are purely educational and beneficial for them in the future. Young
children
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 are naturally curious. They would play anything that they find interesting but keeping an eye out of their every movement would prevent accidental ingestion of smaller
objects
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 or getting pricked by any sharp
objects
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.
Children
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 cannot play with just any
objects
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 at home and looking after them is always the best option that we can provide for their safety and our peace of mind.
Although
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 some people would buy expensive
toys
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 that are
labeled
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labelled
show examples
 “safe for
children
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”, I strongly suggest an interactive method of playing as
this
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 can help improve necessary
skills
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,
for instance
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, playing outside with other
children
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 will enhance their social
skills
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. There aren’t safe
things
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 for
children
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 as they don’t know how different
objects
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 can physically injure them, they are not still capable of understanding how
things
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 could pose a risk to their fragile bodies. In conclusion, expensive
toys
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 are not important to make
children
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 happy,
although
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 these are much safer than any random
objects
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 at home, which are not
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
show examples
 safe for
children
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, I firmly believe that interactive playing can impact the most in their growing stage
such
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 as developing social
skills
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 and other life-related
skills
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 which can help them later on in their lives,
additionally
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, watching our
children
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 with their every movement would lead to their safety and our peace of mind.

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning a particular case or study about the dangers of random objects or the benefits of interactive play could enhance your essay.
logical structure
Ensure clear paragraphing. Although your ideas flow well, distinct paragraphing can enhance readability and help convey distinct points more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
complete response
You have addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
logical structure
The transitions between paragraphs and sections are smooth, maintaining a logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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