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Band 3.5

Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?

#people #case #traveller
Undoubtedly, nowadays,
people
 travelling
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased rather than in recent times. There are many factors which influence
on
Change preposition
apply
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this
 issue. In
this
 context, the reasons
of
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for
show examples
this
 issue will be discussed and given the advantages of the trip. Today, we are witnessing many changes regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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trips. These days, study
and
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apply
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business and trips have increased a lot. It could
because
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be because
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 of business structure changes. Careers have globalized. In
this
 case, they need to
travel
 overseas and extend their business
among
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to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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other countries. Science and knowledge in one country may be in a higher position than other countries.
Therefore
,
people
 prefer to move to a new location to achieve
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 education.
Moreover
,
travel
 facilities
such
 as flights and trains have become better than before. The spending of these has become affordable, so most
people
 can easily use them to
travel
.
Although
, there are many values
due to
 increasing travelling.
People
 can be familiar with other individuals and their cultures
the
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throughout the
show examples
 whole globe. They can visit traditional places and
native
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the native
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people
 of the new country.
Furthermore
, they make new friends and learn
diverse
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the diverse
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 languages of other folks.
To conclude
, in my view, it is better for every person to
travel
 abroad at least once. I think it is an efficient experience with many benefits.
Due to
 the improvement of
travel
 facilities and the reduction of
travel
 costs compared to before,
this
 can be full of appropriate achievements.
Submitted by MinaDadashi1376 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a moderate level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, try creating a more logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs. Use a range of linkers and cohesive devices effectively, ensure that your ideas follow in a clear, logical sequence, and support your points with more elaborated and connected paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You have partially addressed the task. To boost your score, make sure you fully respond to all parts of the prompt. Develop your ideas thoroughly, provide a deeper analysis and more specific examples, and ensure that you have a clear position throughout the essay. Expand on the benefits for the traveler, as the prompt asks for this specifically but it is somewhat underdeveloped in your current response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economy pricing
  • Cultural exchange
  • International business
  • Heritage sites
  • Cosmopolitan
  • Global citizen
  • Study abroad
  • Standard of living
  • Destination
  • Itinerary
  • Online bookings
  • Digital nomad
  • Bucket list
  • Sustainable travel
  • Eco-tourism
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