Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young.

#celebrities #glamor #wealth #achievements #sets

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It is often claimed that stars are popular now

due to

their glamour lifestyle, not personal or professional achievements. I completely agree with

this

point, broadcasting nice pictures of rich life without any effort makes young people lazy and gives them wrong expectations. Nowadays, many bloggers become popular among young people because of trendy videos and algorithms on special platforms,

for instance

Change preposition

apply

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TikTok and Instagram.

Hence

, they live in bloggers’ homes making videos with other bloggers and celebrities. Their main source of income is selling commercials to their audience. Most of

such

stars do not even finish school and, of course, they do not plan to get a higher education at university because they have already earned enough money for a comfortable life. From my point of view, their behaviour influences teenagers' decisions about building a future career.

Therefore

, most children watching

such

bloggers dream about popularity without any effort just by making videos.

For instance

, one of

such

bloggers’ houses is called ‘Dream Team’, it has millions of followers and influences on many children the way I have described before. The other reason why celebrities’ behaviour is a bad example for teenagers is using scandals in order to gain more popularity. Sometimes their actions are inappropriate and uncultural, so children and teenagers watching it do not realize what is right and what is wrong.

For example

, popular Russian singer Instasamka takes part in scandals, behaves rudely at concerts and insults fans. I believe it is a bad example for the younger generation. In conclusion, I would like to say that it is really important to motivate young people to achieve goals and do good things. Unfortunately, most celebrities now show absolutely different pictures. They follow

this

strategy in order to become more popular and do not think about an influence on their followers and about consequences.

Submitted by ddoiron on Sat Dec 30 2023

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task achievement

Ensure the essay's main ideas are fully developed and the points are well-elaborated. While this was somewhat achieved, certain areas lacked depth and could be further expanded to strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

Make sure all main points are clearly presented and logically ordered. This response could benefit from clear topic sentences and improved transitions between ideas to enhance coherence.

task achievement

Try to include a balanced argument by considering multiple perspectives or addressing potential counterarguments, to showcase a broader understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Consistently use complex structures and a variety of linking words to improve the flow and cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young.

Fully explain your ideas

According to an international travel magazine, many tourists today fly straight to their holiday resort and almost never leave it. Unlike tourists in the 1960s and '70s, they return home with no experience of the loacl culture. why do you think this happens ? How was tourism diferent in the past?

Nowadays there is a tendancy to relocate overseas for lucrative jobs.While a faction of people holds the notion that this movement is challanging (?)for juveniles, others argue that it is better for children.

TODAY MORE AND MORE PEOPLE WANT THINGS INSTANTLY(E.G : GOODS, SERVICE, NEWS). WHY IS THIS? IS IT POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Many people think it is very important to protect the environment but they make no effort to do it themselves. Why do you think this is the case? What actions should individuals take to protect the environment?