In aomw cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

There is no denying the fact that teaching our kids the principle of seeking anything as a goal to be achieved,
while
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it is a commonly held belief that saying to the young generation that they can get anything if they try hard enough . There is
also
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an argument that opposes
this
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idea.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion . On one hand , telling our sons that they can achieve anything if they work hard for it can increase their self-confidence.
In other words
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, it will make them discover more in life in terms of achieving their desires .
In addition
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,
this
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will make them try hard to get the result they want .
For example
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, the greatest inventor, Tomas Edison, his teacher told him that he would never pass the class . So,
as a result
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, he kicked him out of the school , but
this
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did not stop him because his mom was supportive of his ideas , which made him achieve his goal and become an inventor .
On the other hand
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, it is important to clarify to children the range of things that they can seek
it
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apply
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as a goal to keep them realistic. It is
also
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possible to encourage children to plan and think of the consequences of their desires .
Moreover
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, as an adult , make sure they do not dream of having the ability to fly , and when they try hard to achieve it, they fail it
then
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they get disappointed. But, it is better to encourage them to be a doctor if they want to be and clarify that they need to study hard to achieve
this
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goal . In conclusion , there is no easy answer to
this
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question . On balance ,
however
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, I tend to believe that It is good to know that there is nothing impossible to get anything they want if they work hard for it . But planning and thinking about the results of their dreams is important too .

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task response
Finish the conclusion with a clear view and restate the main idea.
task response
Give one strong example that fits the point and check facts.
coherence
Use more linking words to show the order of ideas and cause-effect.
grammar
Check spelling, punctuation, and grammar to improve accuracy.
vocabulary
Use simple, common words to keep meaning clear and avoid hard phrasing.
structure
Clear layout with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence
Good use of 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show both sides.
content
Ideas show the writer thinks about how hard work can help and its limits.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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