IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

4/An apple a day keeps the doctor away . What do you think about this?

#apple #doctor
Opinions differ as to the position that healthy eating can prevent you from illnesses without any doctors.
While
 there are some strong arguments against the denying importance of doctors’ work, I still believe that it is a necessary aspect of our life. There are several reasons why people might argue that healthy food can improve indicators of our body.
Firstly
, there is evidence to support the idea that eating good products makes us healthier.
For instance
, fruits and vegetables contain many useful vitamins and other components which improve our immune system.
Hence
 humans are less likely to get sick. In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that it is impossible to maintain a healthy organism without doctors’ help.
Firstly
, many people have certain indicators of blood, level of vitamins, percent of water etc. It is really important to know your own deviations in order to choose a diet.
Secondly
, many natural products do not contain important components in sufficient quantities.
For instance
, now apples contain 50 times less iron than they did 100 years ago.
Therefore
, it is necessary to consult a doctor and get a prescription for getting vitamins in pills. In conclusion, I would like to say that there are many different opinions about the possibility of avoiding doctor appointments and becoming healthier with the help of eating healthy food.
However
, it is really important to take advice from professionals about the sufficient aspect of life - our health.
Moreover
, the wrong diet and pills can make our health worse.
Submitted by ddoiron on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic, and use a wider range of cohesive devices to create better flow between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
Expand on the main ideas by exploring them in more depth with a wider range of examples and explanations to fully address all parts of the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: