IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many think that in today’s world it is very difficult for people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, feel that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#today’s #world #people #lifestyle
It is true that a healthy body not only in physical form but
also
 in mental
health
 can build through a
person
 with a good healthy
lifestyle
.
However
, an argument is rising among the public on whether it is hard or easy for some individuals to maintain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good well-being in
this
 busy era.In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides of
this
 issue and provide my own opinion
along with
 a conclusion.
To begin
 with, no one can deny that technologies are constantly on the rise and advanced technology helps us keep up with a good track of healthy habits.
For example
, it is easy for everyone to download online workout programs or fitness apps on their Smartphone so that they can easily do their exercise without wasting their time or money on gym memberships.
Moreover
, a regular fitness regime can bring good
health
 conditions to an individual and prevent chronic illnesses
such
 as heart disease and obesity.
Thus
, WHO research shows that a
person
 who exercises regularly has greater mental
health
 and emotional well-being and can increase longevity.
On the other hand
, a workaholic
person
 who works compulsively may have difficulty maintaining a healthy
lifestyle
 because of busy work schedules and poor time management .
Initially
,
this
 will lead to bad dietary choices.
For instance
, a
person
 who works twice as
harder
Correct word choice
hard
show examples
 as others usually
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 convenience foods
such
 as packaged food or fast food with high calories and sugar
due
Change preposition
because
show examples
 to
cost-effective
Add a missing verb
are cost-effective
show examples
 ,time-saving and more convenient but
as a result
 , a negative impact on
health
 issues may occur like diabetes , mental
health
 disorders and others. In conclusion, how people decide to preserve their
health
 depends on their choices but the
gorvenment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 and companies should promote public
health
 campaigns and provide preventive healthcare to
aimed
Wrong verb form
aim
show examples
 toward a healthier
lifestyle
 for the community.In my opinion, it is very important for everyone to stay healthy to maintain a good quality
lifestyle
 .
Submitted by tifjong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a logical flow of ideas by improving transitions between paragraphs, and consistently use signposting language to guide the reader through your discussion. Avoid abrupt shifts in the argument without clear connections.
Task Response
Provide a clearer introductory paragraph that directly addresses the prompt, establishing a thesis statement that outlines the forthcoming discussion. Your conclusion must restate this thesis and the arguments provided, not introduce new information.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • dietary choices
  • fitness regimen
  • nutritional awareness
  • chronic diseases
  • preventative healthcare
  • lifestyle diseases
  • well-being
  • metabolic rate
  • food deserts
  • healthy eating habits
  • bioavailability
  • physical activity
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • cardiovascular health
  • mental resilience
  • exercise regimen
  • holistic lifestyle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: