IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Advertisements have infiltrated almost every aspect of our lives, making it an indispensable everyday encounter
while
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 looking to purchase
items
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 online or physically. Whilst others claim that advertising benefits people by helping them to find a product that they are looking for, certain individuals share the opposite view. I personally uphold the view that there is no one side overshadowing the other one, but rather a balanced approach is needed
due to
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 the coexisting nature of merits and demerits. On the one hand, from the early times of the invention of advertisement, the sole aim was to establish a channel between the clients and the sellers. Advertisements decrease the cycle time of finding an item and sometimes promote a random product that we do not actually need. To illustrate, owing to the online power of advertising, people are now automatically getting bombarded with the ads of the
items
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 that they mention around their cell phones, eliminating the need for
further
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 research.
Moreover
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, some creative ads give a whole other perspective on an item by emphasising key selling points of the goods which is the only information a client is supposed to know.
For example
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, Chinese advertisers developed a unique, yet customer-concentrated way to advertise certain
items
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. Influencers make the promotion of multiple
items
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 for 60 seconds, dedicating 10 seconds to each item, resulting in empty shelves.
On the other hand
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,
following
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this
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 recent surge in internet sales, relying on online ads proved to be inefficient.
In other words
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, it reached a peak that people are more prone to buy unadvertised products than ones that are predominantly promoted. To give an example, the number of online scams has experienced a spike all thanks to the influence of deceptive promotions. In conclusion, advertising is a multifaceted phenomenon with both positive and negative implications.
While
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 it stimulates customer satisfaction and efficiency, it
also
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 has the potential to manipulate the viewers by promoting low-quality products.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introductory paragraph that sets the tone for the essay, including a thesis statement that introduces your opinion succinctly.
coherence cohesion
For a logical essay structure, each paragraph should focus on one main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Transition sentences between paragraphs will help in maintaining a flow in the argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and synonyms to improve paragraph transitions and avoid repetition.
task achievement
Address both views fully by exploring the argument in favor of each view before introducing your opinion. Ensure that you analyze both the positive and negative aspects thoroughly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, ensuring they directly relate to the point being made and enhance the persuasiveness of the essay.
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