IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Developments of technology are causing environmental problems. Some people think the solution is that everyone accepts a simpler life, while others believe that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many environmental woes have been attributed to the
use
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 of cars, electronic products, air-conditioning, refrigerators and other products. I would argue that
technology
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 is the solution to these
problems
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,
although
Linking Words
 living a green
lifestyle
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 can
also
Linking Words
 be important. Some
People
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 consider living a simple
life
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 as a significant step to tackling environmental woes. Modern
life
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 relies heavily on different kinds of machines and devices,
while
Linking Words
 a green
lifestyle
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 minimises the
use
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 of any kind of
technology
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. By changing lifestyles,
such
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 as avoiding the excessive
use
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 of electrical appliances, environmentally-conscious
people
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 argue that electricity consumption can be reduced and that electronic
waste
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 will decline as well.
By comparison
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, they do not count on technological change to remedy the situation since even the most environmentally friendly
technology
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 involves the
use
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 of plastic and metals, which can eventually become solid
waste
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 and cause environmental destruction.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 may see
technology
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 as the solution to environmental
problems
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 caused by modern
life
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. The growing concern about the environmental cost of modern lifestyles has pushed innovators to slow or even avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
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damage to the natural world. There has been meaningful progress in the development of clean
energy
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,
such
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 as wind power, solar power and other renewable resources, which can be harnessed to generate power without causing air pollution. Some
eco-benign
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
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 inventions,
such
Linking Words
 as electric or hybrid cars have been promoted as a replacement
of
Change preposition
for
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 traditional cars to cut down on greenhouse gas emissions. Without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological innovations, the environmental
problems
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 caused by our everyday
activity
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activities
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 likely to continue because even the most sustainable
lifestyle
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 can create
waste
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 and entail
energy
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 consumption. In my view,
technology
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 alone does not negate the damage caused by our activity to the environment, and
lifestyle
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 change is equally important. Population expansion has driven the demand for
energy
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 and raw
material
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materials
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, and despite living a simple
life
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,
people
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 will find that
energy
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 consumption and
waste
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 management will continue to cause environmental damage. In
this
Linking Words
 case, going green should be supported by adopting advanced
eco-benign
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
show examples
 products. Meanwhile, in spite of the tremendous
advance
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advances
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 in green
technology
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, it is virtually impossible to avoid the environmental impact of electricity generation and
waste
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 disposal;
in other words
Linking Words
,
technology
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 is not a remedy for all
problems
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 unless
people
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 lead a sustainable
lifestyle
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. In conclusion, we should take
initiative
Correct article usage
the initiative
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 to reduce the impact of our
lifestyle
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 on the environment, as
technology
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 cannot tackle environmental
problems
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.

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coherence cohesion
You've done a good job structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion which is good for coherence and cohesion. However, aim for a more balanced development of ideas in each body paragraph. Ensure each viewpoint discussed is given equal weight and depth to enhance the logical flow and presentation.
task achievement
While your task response includes both views and your opinion, it could be improved further by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. Examples help in demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity and persuasiveness of your argumentation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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