IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government should spend more money on education than sports. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is commonly argued that the
government
Use synonyms
 should distribute a greater budget to
education
Use synonyms
 compared to
sports
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. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that the
government
Use synonyms
 invest in
education
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. One of the main reasons can be that
education
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 has some long-term impact on the nation's development.
This
Linking Words
 means that well-educated citizens contribute significantly to the economy and society in the long term. Another reason can be that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
education
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 can support research and development in various fields.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2020 it was reported in The New York Times that
education
Use synonyms
 is the top 3 fields the
government
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 of America spend
money
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 on development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I disagree with the viewpoint that the
government
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 should distribute a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 on
education
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 than
sports
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
sports
Use synonyms
 industry can contribute to the economy of the nation.
This
Linking Words
 is because investment in stadiums and training facilities can help attract people like
sports
Use synonyms
 in the world. In fact, when have some events about
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as the World Cup or the Olympics in some countries, it can help contribute to the budget of these nations.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 have significant impacts on the minds of citizens about health.
This
Linking Words
 means that nowadays, people often spend a lot of their time for work and their leisure time to rest or relax with smartphones;
therefore
Linking Words
, they should realize meaning of the exercise and play
sports
Use synonyms
 that help them have mental health and physical health
to begin
Linking Words
 new work days. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is widely believed that the
government
Use synonyms
 should spend more
money
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 on
education
Use synonyms
 than
sports
Use synonyms
, I’m convinced that the
government
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 needs to balance the budget to develop both
education
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 and
sports
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear position throughout the response. The introduction sets the stage for this position, but the body paragraphs should consistently support that stance with relevant arguments and examples. Avoid taking neutral or contradictory positions unless you can justify and balance them convincingly.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay. Paragraphs should each introduce a clear main idea, followed by expansion, examples, and explanation. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position, also ensuring a cohesive wrap-up of your argument.
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