IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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Museums
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 serve as vital repositories of culture, history, and art, attracting visitors from diverse backgrounds seeking enrichment and education.
However
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, there are pros and cons nowadays regarding
fees
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 the people should pay to enter some
museums
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. In my point of view,
this
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entrance
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 fee outweighs the drawbacks and both sides will be explained in
this
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 essay. As repositories of invaluable
artifacts
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artefacts
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 from ancient times,
museums
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 require intricate handling and incur significant costs, often not entirely covered by governmental or managerial funding. These costs include building maintenance and providing visitor amenities like comfortable parking facilities. The better and more attractive a
museum
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, the greater the assurance of its sustainability in the future and the potential for increased visitation. To ensure a fulfilling experience for visitors,
museum
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 management must provide
high-qualified
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highly qualified
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 tour guides capable of delivering detailed explanations about the exhibited collections, transforming
museum
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 visits into meaningful journeys of historical understanding.
However
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,
such
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 provisions demand substantial investment, making the implementation of
entrance
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fees
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 a viable solution.
Additionally
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, as institutions dedicated to preserving cultural heritage,
museums
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 must limit visitor numbers to safeguard their collections,
further
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 justifying the application of
entrance
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fees
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 to manage repetitive visits.
On the other hand
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, the imposition of
entrance
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fees
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 can lead to exclusivity, particularly if the
fees
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 are set at prohibitive levels, rendering
museums
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 inaccessible to individuals from lower economic strata.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 challenge can be mitigated through the introduction of targeted initiatives,
such
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 as free admission for children aged 0-12 or even creating a free
entrance
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 week, so that all people can enjoy the
museum
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 and get to know the relics of their ancestors without any barriers. In conclusion, I believe imposing an
entrance
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 fee on
museums
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 has more advantages than imposing free admission.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task response
The essay provides a satisfactory response, clearly stating the writer's viewpoint and offering reasons for their opinion. However, incorporating more specific examples and data would bolster the argument further.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, although it could be improved by organizing the points more systematically. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance readability.
introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the writer's stance, making it easy for the reader to understand the direction of the essay.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and reiterates the writer's viewpoint, providing a clear end to the discussion.
supported main points
Main points are generally well-supported, with explanations provided for why entrance fees are important for museums.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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