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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the arts (such as music, literature, and theater) are more important than other subjects in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #literature #theater #subjects #schools
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There is no denying the fact that the
arts
 play a crucial role in
education
.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that the
arts
 are more important than other
subjects
 in
schools
, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that all
subjects
 hold equal importance and should be given suitable attention in educational
subjects
.
To begin
 with, I disagree that the
arts
 are more important than other
subjects
 in
schools
.
In other words
, it is crucial to maintain a balance in
education
 that encompasses a variety of disciplines.
While
 the
arts
 certainly have their value in fostering creativity and self-expression, it is essential not to undermine the significance of other
subjects
.
In addition
, STEM
subjects
 equip students with critical thinking skills and scientific knowledge that are fundamental for innovation and problem-solving in today's rapidly advancing world.
For example
, scientific breakthroughs in medicine, renewable energy, and space exploration are a testament to the significant impact that STEM
education
 can have on society. Another point to consider is that
while
 the
arts
 are undeniably valuable and enriching, it is
also
 possible to say that they should not be considered more important than other
subjects
 in
schools
.
Moreover
, prioritizing
subjects
 beyond the
arts
 ensures that students acquire practical skills and knowledge that can lead to diverse career opportunities in fields
such
 as technology, engineering, medicine, and business.
For instance
, science
education
 fosters critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which are crucial for addressing complex real-world challenges. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that the
arts
 are indeed more important than other
subjects
 in
schools
.
Submitted by deemaalkhathlan1 on

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introduction conclusion present
Work on making your introduction clearer and more engaging to properly set the stage for your arguments. The current introduction is somewhat disjointed and can be improved for better clarity.
relevant specific examples
Try to support your statements with more detailed examples and illustrations. In some areas, the essay touches on points that could be elaborated further to strengthen the arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay demonstrates a good balance of ideas and respects the importance of all disciplines in education, making it a thoughtful analysis.
complete response
You have effectively highlighted the significance of both arts and STEM subjects in the essay, showing the need for a well-rounded education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • emotional intelligence
  • interpersonal skills
  • cultural awareness
  • enrich
  • well-rounded curriculum
  • cognitive development
  • emotional development
  • artistic talents
  • creative industries
  • integrating
  • enhance learning
  • historical events
  • mathematical patterns
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