Some people say that, art and drama are as important as other school subjects especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that
art
and drama are as necessary as other primary school subjects. In my personal opinion,
art
-based classes should be prioritized as highly as science and math for scholars. In
this
essay, we will discuss
further
the reasons behind the statement that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree with. Creativity and innovation are two of the most significant skills
this
generation must conquer.
This
era of the 4th Industrial Revolution is a shred of evidence that technology has significantly improved to the point that many simple jobs can be done easily by robots.
Moreover
, many questions can instantly be answered by Artificial Intelligence. In turn, most global companies do not need any traditional workers anymore.
Instead
, they currently searching for more innovative young adults to develop their business by maximizing the use of available technology. People who have novel ideas are more crucial for today's entrepreneurship.
On the other hand
,
art
and drama can boost the next generations' expertise in creativity and facilitate innovation.
For instance
, a breathtaking theatre show creation requires skilful conceptors, talented actors and actresses, excelled directors, and creative plot writers.
This
way, children can sharpen their high-thinking skills, including how to arrange a spectacular performance with their own original concept.
For
this
reason, determining
art
as an obligated subject for young learners is highly recommended, as it could match the needs of today's industrial needs. In conclusion,
art
classes can be really important to be included in early school subjects, since it is highly beneficial for children's future employment, as they can shape learners' to be more creative and innovative. To realise
this
act, schools' policymakers should start to pay more attention to
art
and highlight it in each institution's must-take subjects.
Submitted by jelitasofiaz on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure that each body paragraph has a clear central idea and transitions are used to smoothly move from one point to the next. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of the essay are present and provide a clear stance on the topic. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but to increase this score, consistently incorporate detailed examples or evidence throughout the essay to fully explore and support the ideas presented.
task achievement
You have completed the response by addressing the prompt and providing a clear opinion. Enhance this by ensuring all parts of the question are fully answered and the main ideas are expanded sufficiently.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are presented, but for a higher score, develop each idea further with additional examples, details, and explanations throughout the essay.
task achievement
To improve the provision of relevant specific examples, include more concrete examples or scenarios to illustrate the points made, thereby enhancing the persuasiveness and completeness of the argument.

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