IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Information
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 is a valuable resource on a daily basis, and sharing it, especially in scientific fields, is of high importance.
However
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,
while
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 some believe that unpaid data sharing benefits all of us, I agree with those who feel that possessing crucial
information
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 must have some payment. On the one hand, it could be argued that conveying all types of
information
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 should be done freely. Those who support
this
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 idea say that the greatest benefit of it is accelerating human knowledge, with most people will be able to access whatever they need at any time.
Consequently
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, the content spread all around the world and it leads to the increasing pace of knowledge.
Moreover
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,
information
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 sharing is said to help people deal with more difficult problems, for it allows individuals to solve the initial challenges of their own problems.
On the other hand
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, I side with those who believe that some highly important data must be sold to those who have a desire to reach out. it is a fact that valuable
information
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 is achieved with difficulty by scientists who worked hard and burned the midnight oil. So, the more precious the
information
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 is, the more money should be paid.
Moreover
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, in my opinion, if you don't want to be judged by those who access your beneficial
information
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, you have to sell it for money.
However
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, perhaps my strongest argument for selling
information
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 is that some
information
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, which is used for high technology devices, is so sensitive , especially in military areas.
Therefore
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, if you want to give it to another country or authority, you must receive a huge money for that. In conclusion,
although
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 giving
information
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 freely could result in increasing knowledge around the globe, selling valuable
information
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 helps you to stay away from dangerous threats that might happen to you.
Therefore
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, on balance, I strongly believe that important content must be sold.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention a real-world case where sharing or withholding information had significant positive or negative consequences.
coherence cohesion
Although your logical structure is strong, employing varying cohesive devices such as linking words or phrases would enhance the flow between ideas even more.
task achievement
Address the counterargument more explicitly. Consider bringing up potential negative aspects of sharing information freely in industries beyond just scientific research alone.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both views of the topic and offered a well-argued personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The contrast between the perspectives is well-detailed and supported by logical reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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