IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

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Obesity has become a common problem among
people
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 around the world. There are several reasons for more
people
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 become obese in recent times and I will explain why
this
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 happens and the impacts of
this
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 issue in the below paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, unhealthy eating habits have made everyone gain weight happens to apply in recent times. Nowadays,
people
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 are starting to addicted easily with junk foods like pizza, burgers, sugary drinks, and frozen non-vegetarian foods comparatively old
people
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.
For instance
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, if an individual is going for a long journey they cannot take food with them so they will order online with different applications and a variety of cuisines and starters easily.
Moreover
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, humans are not doing physical activities regularly in today's lifestyle habits.
For example
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, some
people
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 work on a remote basis at home so they cannot cook easily from home with a lot of tension and pressure work, which conditions
people
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 to buffet foods at rich restaurants. There will be many complications for humans who become obese.
Firstly
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, simple issues cannot be tackled easily in a healthier
people
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 lifestyle.
Secondly
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, they will face other health problems like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease. Recently, many humans have been facing heart attacks, bypass surgery, and paralysis. In World Health Organization confirmed more than 80 percent of
people
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 who die every year
due to
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 heart attacks are those who have obesity problems.
To conclude
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, in recent times obesity has caused many problems for
people
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 around the world and it is even leading to death when it is not taken care of for a longer period.

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction should clearly present the topic and outline the main ideas that will be discussed in the essay. The conclusion should also effectively summarize the key points and reiterate the main argument.
logical structure
Each paragraph should have a clear central idea, and sentences should be logically ordered to support that idea. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth to guide the reader through the argument.
supported main points
The main points should be well-developed with relevant explanations, examples, or evidence. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea to maintain clarity and avoid confusion.
complete response
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas should be clear, directly relevant to the question, and fully expanded upon. The reader should not have to make assumptions or infer meanings. Repetitive or vague statements should be avoided.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided should be specific and directly connected to the main argument. They must be relevant to the topic and help to illustrate the point being made. Avoid using hypothetical or general examples that may not be convincing.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • genetic predisposition
  • exacerbated
  • nutrient-deficient
  • caloric intake
  • socioeconomic factors
  • psychological factors
  • chronic diseases
  • discrimination
  • healthcare costs
  • stigma
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