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Today more and more young children have electronic gadgets such as computers and mobile phone. Some people say that this is a positive development in children’s education, others argue that the use of technology among young children do more harm than good. Write an essay to discuss the effects of technology on the education of young children. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

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In recent years, many adults have provided electronic
gadgets
 for their
children
's learning.
This
 tendency would lead to some people's support as it is more valuable,
while
 others oppose using electronic devices to increase awareness of
eye
development
.
This
 essay will expound on the positive and negative effects of using
gadgets
' performance and apply my relevant examples. First of all, one of the positive effects is to supply a wide range of musical songs for listening and education.
For instance
, many parents would prefer using tablets to play different kinds of songs in their cars when they go outside because technological products can play an important role in parents singing with their kids whenever they are reasonable to use them.
In addition
, the other reason is that my city's social science experts suggest that
gadgets
 can attract toddlers and pre-schoolers to listen to music day-to-day, it can foster their linguistic
development
while
 they have a listening routine.
Nevertheless
,
although
 parents should provide a variety of
gadgets
 for pre-schoolers to listen to, another negative effect is to be harmful to their
eye
development
. To illustrate, in Hong Kong, some doctors claimed that many younger adults or older generation have promoted their electronic products for the early-age generation for long screen time,
this
 has led to many
children
 wearing a pair of glasses for decades.
For
this
 reason, the wrong way of using electronic products is to be harmful to
eye
development
 among young
children
. In conclusion, based on the statement above, using
gadgets
 has a positive effect on fostering kids' linguistic
development
.
However
, the negative effect is harmful to the
eye
development
 among young
children
.
Submitted by jimmy.wong.wp on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Develop more in-depth arguments with clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a greater variety of cohesive devices to help connect ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is directly relevant to the essay topic.
Task Achievement
Expand on the ideas with more specific and varied examples rather than general statements.
Task Achievement
Address the task statement fully by discussing both sides of the argument and making your position clear.
Task Achievement
End the essay with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your position in a clear manner.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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