IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #quality #government #money #projects
In the
contamporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 era like today,
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 become the main source to keep people up on their daily busy days. In fact, painting and music become two out of many art sectors which get liked by many people globally.
Thus
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
put
Verb problem
take
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action to support the
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of those two key points.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will explain the reasons why
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 support is crucial for both the artists and the people that enjoy the painting and the music. First and foremost,
artistic
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the artistic
an artistic
show examples
 project can help the artist financially as the project is the place for them to get work and become a place for them to get paid. Government
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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a proper introduction and conclusion which are essential for structuring the argument effectively. Ensure that an introductory paragraph is included that presents the topic and your thesis statement, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the points made and restates your position.
logical structure
More effective logical structuring is required. Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea that progresses logically from one to the next. Make sure to use cohesive devices, such as linking words and transitions, to help guide the reader.
supported main points
The main points you present need to be supported with clear explanations and relevant examples. Develop your arguments fully in separate paragraphs, ensuring each point aligns with the thesis and contributes to the overall essay objective.
complete response
Your response does not address the full prompt as it appears unfinished and lacks a clear conclusion. Ensure that you fully develop your essay to meet the required length and to provide a comprehensive response to all parts of the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas in the essay need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Focus on developing each point thoroughly with explanations and pertinent examples. Provide a balanced view if required by the task, discussing both sides of an argument or multiple aspects of an issue.
relevant specific examples
Include specific examples to support your points. These examples make your arguments more convincing and show the examiner that you can relate abstract ideas to real-world situations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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