Many parents these days choose to send their children studying abroad. What are the causes? Is it a positive or negative development?

Studying abroad has become an appealing choice nowadays for many parents and their

children

. Internet platforms can be the main cause since they facilitate international councils to promote their institutions globally. I think

this

is a positive development since studying abroad is able to give

students

valuable experiences.

To begin

with, social media influence makes it easier for international universities to promote their programs.

This

may happen since institutions can reach a wider range of populations with one or two platforms, and it is combined with the high engagement between society and online media, which makes the marketing strategy hit the goals.

For example

, Harvard Business School nowadays become everyone's dream and is very popular among youngsters, compared with 20 years ago when advertisement medium was very limited, only certain society classes would

knew

Change the verb form

know

show examples

about Harvard.

Thus

, with a huge electability that reaches odd populations, it makes many parents choose to send their

children

to study abroad. Having a chance to study abroad is an advantage. When

students

can be accepted in

the

Correct article usage

show examples

world-class campus, it opens many opportunities to build global networks. Another velvet that may be irreplaceable is

children

can learn how to adapt

Change preposition

show examples

an unfamiliar country, which is valuable for their provisions.

For instance

, Indonesians who studied in London will have many friends around the world from their

networkings

Fix the agreement mistake

networking

show examples

during the campus era, compared with the others who only attend local universities.

As a result

, the combination of global curriculum exposure and sovereign networking will create a positive development for

students

To sum up

, many parents choose to send their

children

studying abroad and

this

phenomenon can be caused by the massive influence of social media as a peachy marketing platform. I think

this

is a positive development since international

students

will have distinctive primacy from their study abroad experiences.

Submitted by aidafathiaa on Tue Jan 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

In the essay, the main points should be more thoroughly supported by relevant examples or evidence. While the essay contains some examples, it lacks depth and detail, which resulted in a lower score in supported main points.

task achievement

The response completes the task, but the position though relevant, is not always supported with clear, comprehensive ideas. Improve the development of your arguments, ensuring each point is thoroughly explained and closely related to the task prompt.

coherence cohesion

The overall coherence of the essay is adequate, yet the logical progression of ideas could be improved. Strive to link ideas and paragraphs more explicitly, ensuring that each new point naturally follows from the one before.

coherence cohesion

It's good that the introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be clearer and more impactful. Make sure the introduction outlines the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion summarizes these points satisfactorily.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many parents these days choose to send their children studying abroad. What are the causes? Is it a positive or negative development?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Some believe that it is essential for teenagers to engage in voluntary activities during their leisure time to contribute to the well-being of the local community? Proponents argue that such a requirement would be advantageous for both the individual teenager and society in general.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.