Many parents these days choose to send their children studying abroad. What are the causes? Is it a positive or negative development?
Studying abroad has become an appealing choice nowadays for many parents and their
children
. Internet platforms can be the main cause since they facilitate international councils to promote their institutions globally. I think this
is a positive development since studying abroad is able to give students
valuable experiences.
To begin
with, social media influence makes it easier for international universities to promote their programs. This
may happen since institutions can reach a wider range of populations with one or two platforms, and it is combined with the high engagement between society and online media, which makes the marketing strategy hit the goals. For example
, Harvard Business School nowadays become everyone's dream and is very popular among youngsters, compared with 20 years ago when advertisement medium was very limited, only certain society classes would knew
about Harvard. Change the verb form
know
Thus
, with a huge electability that reaches odd populations, it makes many parents choose to send their children
to study abroad.
Having a chance to study abroad is an advantage. When students
can be accepted in the
world-class campus, it opens many opportunities to build global networks. Another velvet that may be irreplaceable is Correct article usage
a
children
can learn how to adapt in
an unfamiliar country, which is valuable for their provisions. Change preposition
to
For instance
, Indonesians who studied in London will have many friends around the world from their networkings
during the campus era, compared with the others who only attend local universities. Fix the agreement mistake
networking
As a result
, the combination of global curriculum exposure and sovereign networking will create a positive development for students
.
To sum up
, many parents choose to send their children
studying abroad and this
phenomenon can be caused by the massive influence of social media as a peachy marketing platform. I think this
is a positive development since international students
will have distinctive primacy from their study abroad experiences.Submitted by aidafathiaa on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
In the essay, the main points should be more thoroughly supported by relevant examples or evidence. While the essay contains some examples, it lacks depth and detail, which resulted in a lower score in supported main points.
task achievement
The response completes the task, but the position though relevant, is not always supported with clear, comprehensive ideas. Improve the development of your arguments, ensuring each point is thoroughly explained and closely related to the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
The overall coherence of the essay is adequate, yet the logical progression of ideas could be improved. Strive to link ideas and paragraphs more explicitly, ensuring that each new point naturally follows from the one before.
coherence cohesion
It's good that the introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be clearer and more impactful. Make sure the introduction outlines the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion summarizes these points satisfactorily.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...