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Band 6

In modern societies, it is possible for people to go shopping, work and communicate via the internet without face-to-face communication. Is it a positive or negative development?

In present-day communities, humans have significant chances to go shopping, work, and communicate by using the internet more than direct conversation. Society holds different views about two forms of communication. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development for many convincing reasons. There are several reasons to explain why
this
Linking Words
 trend is beneficial. One of them is that citizens in big metropolises tend to be extremely bustle with their work. For that reason, saving time and convenience is foremost
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
show examples
 priority. In
this
Linking Words
 day and age,
people
Use synonyms
 can discover information about products on an e-commerce platform and buy and receive them at their homes in one hour.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with internet-connect, allows
people
Use synonyms
 around the world to connect together, increasing numerous opportunities for both employees and corporations without any geography. In fact, company staff can easily meet with partners through applications
such
Linking Words
 as Zoom and Google
Meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
Meetings
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… without travelling for 1000 kilometres to have a direct meeting.
However
Linking Words
, in my perspective, living without human interaction can have several negative impacts, which is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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losing social skills, especially communication and emotional intelligence. Take the Japanese
people
Use synonyms
 as an example of
this
Linking Words
 situation. The young generation in the land of the rising sun is so addicted to computers that they do not even go outside and make
contacts
Fix the agreement mistake
contact
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 with other
people
Use synonyms
. And
this
Linking Words
 leads to a drawback in their lives, which is having no friends or relationships with anyone.
In addition
Linking Words
, on the internet,
people
Use synonyms
 can contact anyone without knowing them in reality, and vice versa. For that reason,
people
Use synonyms
 can be easily scammed by anyone
in
Change preposition
on
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 social media. Another situation of losing money is by buying fake products
while
Linking Words
 shopping online. In summary,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 citizens need to be careful of both the positive and negative consequences of the trend of taking advantage of the internet.

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coherence cohesion
Though you have a logical structure, consider linking your ideas more explicitly to improve coherence. Use cohesive devices to make the connection between your points clearer.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented both sides, but the response could benefit from a more nuanced argument and conclusion to fully satisfy the task requirements. Ensure that your viewpoint is consistently clear throughout the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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