In modern societies, it is possible for people to go shopping, work and communicate via the internet without face-to-face communication. Is it a positive or negative development?

In present-day communities, humans have significant chances to go shopping, work, and communicate by using the internet more than direct conversation. Society holds different views about two forms of communication. From my perspective,
this
is a positive development for many convincing reasons. There are several reasons to explain why
this
trend is beneficial. One of them is that citizens in big metropolises tend to be extremely bustle with their work. For that reason, saving time and convenience is foremost
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
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priority. In
this
day and age,
people
can discover information about products on an e-commerce platform and buy and receive them at their homes in one hour.
Furthermore
, with internet-connect, allows
people
around the world to connect together, increasing numerous opportunities for both employees and corporations without any geography. In fact, company staff can easily meet with partners through applications
such
as Zoom and Google
Meeting
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Meetings
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… without travelling for 1000 kilometres to have a direct meeting.
However
, in my perspective, living without human interaction can have several negative impacts, which is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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losing social skills, especially communication and emotional intelligence. Take the Japanese
people
as an example of
this
situation. The young generation in the land of the rising sun is so addicted to computers that they do not even go outside and make
contacts
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contact
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with other
people
. And
this
leads to a drawback in their lives, which is having no friends or relationships with anyone.
In addition
, on the internet,
people
can contact anyone without knowing them in reality, and vice versa. For that reason,
people
can be easily scammed by anyone
in
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on
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social media. Another situation of losing money is by buying fake products
while
shopping online. In summary,
it is clear that
citizens need to be careful of both the positive and negative consequences of the trend of taking advantage of the internet.
Submitted by khanhlinh892002 on

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coherence cohesion
Though you have a logical structure, consider linking your ideas more explicitly to improve coherence. Use cohesive devices to make the connection between your points clearer.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented both sides, but the response could benefit from a more nuanced argument and conclusion to fully satisfy the task requirements. Ensure that your viewpoint is consistently clear throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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