Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of population who are aged at 15 or younger. What is your opinion of the current and future effects it may have in those countries
Nowadays, the percentage of
children
under 15 years old in some countries has increased. In this
essay, I will discuss the potential problem of this
trend
, and then
describe the possible effects of this
issue in the present and future.
Raising the children
population
in some countries leads to some problems. Firstly
, increasing the number
of children
means that families have more than one or two children
. So, parents should work harder and further
to provide their children
`s requirements. It means that they spend a lot of time in the workplace while
their children
need them for parenting and it could be a problem. Furthermore
, there are limited facilities in each country that support the education and health of children
. Hence
, by increasing the population
of children
it is not possible for all of them to use these facilities as the same there would lead to some issues in society.
Overpopulation of children
has some possible current and future effects. The main current effect of this
trend
is changing the government`s investing programs. It means that,
governments should invest in increasing the Remove the comma
apply
number
of schools, parks, sports salons and also
teachers and coaches for training children
. So, it may result in stopping some of the other projects. In addition
, the future effect of this
trend
will be the huge number
of young who are of working age and need jobs. Therefore
, the number
of factories, companies and industries should be increased to provide decent jobs for this
population
.
In conclusion, ever-increasing the children
population
lead to some problems including the gap between children
and parents because of parents` working time and the lack of public facilities for children
. This
trend
has some effects too as I mentioned.Submitted by n.fallahi327 on
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task achievement
Make sure to use consistent grammar and word choice. For example, change 'sports salons' to 'sports facilities' for clarity.
task achievement
Develop more detailed examples to support your main points. Specific examples can help to illustrate your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Link your paragraphs more smoothly with transition words. This can help to improve the overall flow of your essay, making your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with clear paragraphs and logical organization.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear outline of the essay topic and the conclusion effectively summarizes the points made.
task achievement
You addressed the task competently, discussing both the potential problems and future effects of an increasing proportion of young children in the population.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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