Intelligent machines such as reborts are widely applied to the place of human being. Do the advantage of the outweigh the disadvantage

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With the current advancement of technology, smart
machines
or any artificial intelligence are massively replacing human positions.
This
essay will demonstrate how intelligent
machines
can produce accurate work but will
also
show
this
can lead to
such
problems as the displacement of human resources. Whilst acknowledging that there are superiorities,
this
essay will argue that the disadvantages of robots outweigh the advantages.
To begin
with, programmed
machines
will work constantly and produce accurate results in the majority of steps.
This
is because robots will not experience any fatigue or sickness like human workers do. If,
for example
, we compared a staff and a robot to fold 500 sheets of paper, a robot can finish it only in 15 minutes with a high degree of precision in each result.
However
, we can only expect humans to proceed with it in one hour with no guarantee of constant outcomes.
As a result
, productivity can increase significantly by implementing intelligent
machines
in each core process.
On the other hand
, programmed
machines
can be a terrific thread for human resources. As they can be designed and customised to meet end-user expectations, robotic systems can replace human roles within seconds.
For instance
, 70% of total companies in Jakarta already employ artificial intelligence in their sub-processes and it correlates with the increment of
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
show examples
rate. If
this
happens in the long run, the economic stability will be agitated as people cannot pursue stable jobs.
To sum up
, we cannot overlook the advantages of intelligent
machines
as they produce accurate results.
However
, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages since the programmed
machines
can lead to a high unemployment rate.
Submitted by aidafathiaa on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay contains an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, I encourage you to improve its logical structure by creating clearer connections between your ideas and arguments. Consider using linking words to smooth transitions and reinforce relationships between points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, which is commendable. Nevertheless, it is advantageous to reiterate your main argument in the conclusion to reinforce your stance and provide a comprehensive summary of your key points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay displays some degree of support for the main points; however, you would benefit from offering more detailed evidence and deeper analysis to back up your claims. Expand on your examples by explaining the immediate and long-term implications in more detail.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt satisfactorily by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of intelligent machines. Aim to clarify and expand your viewpoints by exploring the implications of your arguments in greater depth, thereby giving a more complete response to the task.
task achievement
While your ideas are understandable, strive to express your points more comprehensively. This means elaborating on your statements and providing more nuanced arguments. Employ varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and interest.
task achievement
The examples you've provided are relevant and concrete, which is excellent. To improve further, be sure to directly link these examples to the overall discussion, showing how they support your stance on the overall balance of advantages and disadvantages.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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