IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays, internet and television has given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples

#internet #television #people #chance #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The industry revelation made clear differences in the
wourld
Correct your spelling
world
 so it becomes easy to give
apportunty
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 for normal
people
 to popular one
that is
 because of internet and television which can have advantages that will
discussed
Change the verb form
be discussed
discuss
show examples
 in details. To start with the positive side, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 become familiar they could have a large number of fans who love them and care about them.
For instance
, they will give them everything that they want and need.
Furthermore
, the popular
people
 can get lots of money from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising and marketing to the companies.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large and
middle companies
Add a hyphen
middle-companies
show examples
 give them some products or money for making ads for them.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
people
 can
also
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very good
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others who are
also
 familiar
for example
 actors, singers, musicians, artists, and presenters. So, when they work together the relations between them will be
stong
Correct your spelling
strong
show examples
. In my point of view,
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 famous is something that can help me more in my life.
For example
, I can make a huge business and the fans can help me
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it when they buy from my business or from the ads I make
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
To conclude
, the development of technology in the world has
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 positive consequences for
people
 and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them a chance to be
knowing
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
.
Submitted by alhajeer11179 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, as the ideas presented are not well-organized or properly developed. To improve, plan the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, with sentences that are connected and build upon each other coherently.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be clearer and more defined. The introduction should clearly set the stage for the discussion to follow, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the points addressed while offering a final thought or opinion.
coherence cohesion
The main points require better support through more detailed explanations, examples, or evidence. To strengthen the argument, include specific and relevant examples that underline the claims made. Avoid general statements and strive to provide concrete, illustrative examples.
task achievement
The response to the task needs to be more complete, with a better-developed argument that directly addresses the question prompt. The pros and cons of ordinary people becoming famous through the internet and television should be discussed, along with the writer's personal standpoint supported by examples.
task achievement
The ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensive. It's important to develop each point fully and express them in a way that is understandable and convincing. Use topic sentences to introduce the primary concept of each paragraph, and expand on it with supporting details.
task achievement
More relevant and specific examples are necessary to better illustrate the points made. The examples provided should tie directly back to the main argument and help to substantiate the claims. Avoid vague references and strive for clarity and relevance in the examples chosen.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: