The only reason for people working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Admittedly, in recent times
myrad
Correct your spelling
myriad
people
work
Use synonyms
hard in order to gain
money
Use synonyms
;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
is not the main reason. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will explain my opinion in terms of
againts
Correct your spelling
against
this
Linking Words
statement.
To begin
Linking Words
with, many workers will
work
Use synonyms
even beyond their limit because they would to have a big salary.
This
Linking Words
is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
acceptable reason for those who like to
work
Use synonyms
overtime or in complicated areas.
For instance
Linking Words
, many surveys report that 70% of employees will accept to
work
Use synonyms
in remote areas
due to
Linking Words
the extra payment that they are gained outside the
stapple
Correct your spelling
staple
stable
wages. If we compare to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
voluntary activities which ask for
work
Use synonyms
in the same area, many of them will refuse it because they do not want to
work
Use synonyms
very hard in the isolated area which is very physically demanding and do not earn
money
Use synonyms
.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
show examples
money
Use synonyms
is the factor of people who do their job but it is not the only one because some of
Add an article
the worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
would
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
hard
due to
Linking Words
they would to be an
expertise
Replace the word
expert
show examples
in one major. As illustrated, some
archeologist
Fix the agreement mistake
archeologists
show examples
will accept to
work
Use synonyms
in isolated
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
in order to have deep evidence regarding the heritage or natural
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
of some species, even though they do not get extra bonuses from the
unversity
Correct your spelling
university
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
will
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
to
work
Use synonyms
very
tough
Change the adjective
toughly
show examples
due to
Linking Words
the
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
of
Add an article
the result
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the engineer
show examples
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
will
work
Use synonyms
on holiday in order to make sure the project will finish as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schedule
Replace the word
scheduled
show examples
. They might
be do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not worry about the extra income but
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
more
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
achievement. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement because people
work
Use synonyms
to have
money
Use synonyms
but it is not the only reason to
work
Use synonyms
hard. They would to be the expert on their
work
Use synonyms
and would
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
feel happy with the results.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. To improve, focus on creating a stronger thesis statement and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details. Use transitional phrases to link ideas and maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be made stronger. The introduction should more clearly state your position, and the conclusion should summarily restate your main points and your stance coherently.
coherence cohesion
While you have presented main ideas in support of your position, they are not developed adequately. Include more detailed examples and explanations in your body paragraphs to support your main points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task only partially. To increase your score, ensure you provide a complete response to all parts of the prompt. Each paragraph should focus on a unique aspect of your position regarding the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Work on articulating your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and strive to express your ideas with clarity and precision, providing ample elaboration.
task achievement
The relevance and specificity of your examples are somewhat weak. Enhance the strength of your argument by providing more concrete, relevant examples that directly support your point of view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Monetary gain
  • Passion-driven
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Career progression
  • Professional development
  • Work-life balance
  • Job satisfaction
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural values
  • Altruism
  • Positive impact
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Internal rewards
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Psychological aspects
  • Motivational factors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: