IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The only reason for people working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #people #money
Admittedly, in recent times
myrad
Correct your spelling
myriad
 people
work
 hard in order to gain
money
;
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
 is not the main reason. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain my opinion in terms of
againts
Correct your spelling
against
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, many workers will
work
 even beyond their limit because they would to have a big salary.
This
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 acceptable reason for those who like to
work
 overtime or in complicated areas.
For instance
, many surveys report that 70% of employees will accept to
work
 in remote areas
due to
 the extra payment that they are gained outside the
stapple
Correct your spelling
staple
stable
 wages. If we compare to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
voluntary activities which ask for
work
 in the same area, many of them will refuse it because they do not want to
work
 very hard in the isolated area which is very physically demanding and do not earn
money
.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
show examples
money
 is the factor of people who do their job but it is not the only one because some of
Add an article
the worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 would
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work
 hard
due to
 they would to be an
expertise
Replace the word
expert
show examples
 in one major. As illustrated, some
archeologist
Fix the agreement mistake
archeologists
show examples
 will accept to
work
 in isolated
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in order to have deep evidence regarding the heritage or natural
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 of some species, even though they do not get extra bonuses from the
unversity
Correct your spelling
university
.
Moreover
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 will
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
 to
work
 very
tough
Change the adjective
toughly
show examples
due to
 the
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 of
Add an article
the result
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
For example
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the engineer
show examples
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
 will
work
 on holiday in order to make sure the project will finish as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schedule
Replace the word
scheduled
show examples
. They might
be do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not worry about the extra income but
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
 more
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 achievement. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement because people
work
 to have
money
 but it is not the only reason to
work
 hard. They would to be the expert on their
work
 and would
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
feel happy with the results.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. To improve, focus on creating a stronger thesis statement and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details. Use transitional phrases to link ideas and maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be made stronger. The introduction should more clearly state your position, and the conclusion should summarily restate your main points and your stance coherently.
coherence cohesion
While you have presented main ideas in support of your position, they are not developed adequately. Include more detailed examples and explanations in your body paragraphs to support your main points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task only partially. To increase your score, ensure you provide a complete response to all parts of the prompt. Each paragraph should focus on a unique aspect of your position regarding the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Work on articulating your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and strive to express your ideas with clarity and precision, providing ample elaboration.
task achievement
The relevance and specificity of your examples are somewhat weak. Enhance the strength of your argument by providing more concrete, relevant examples that directly support your point of view.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Monetary gain
  • Passion-driven
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Career progression
  • Professional development
  • Work-life balance
  • Job satisfaction
  • Societal expectations
  • Cultural values
  • Altruism
  • Positive impact
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Internal rewards
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Psychological aspects
  • Motivational factors
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