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Band 4

Many feel that going to gym is the best way to stay fit. Other think there are more efective methods. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#gym #efective #methods
Nowadays, staying fit is one goal
people
 want to achieve. Many of them believe that going to the gym is the best procedure to remain healthy.
On the other hand
, there are more techniques which others think
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is more effective. I will explain my views in the following essay.
Firstly
, going to the gym is more familiar for communities who live in the city. It will charge you
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some cost, so it is just for
people
 who can
afford
Correct pronoun usage
afford it
show examples
. But, you pay for a price, you get the quality.
This
 place has lots of
sport
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sports
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 that you can choose to support managing your body.
Moreover
, you will
guide
Wrong verb form
be guided
show examples
 by a mentor to monitor your
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
. Not only that, you will
also
surround
Wrong verb form
be surrounded
show examples
 by the
people
 with same vision
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 healthy.
Consequently
, it will motivate you to be so.
Secondly
, there are
also
 many ways to do a
sport
 that
free
Add a missing verb
is free
show examples
 for you,
such
 as running and walking. These activities are not only making you fit, but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make you fresh because you can choose the way you walk or run. Despite that, other sports that can do with your friend or other
people
 are going to be fun, like football,
vollyball
Correct your spelling
volleyball
, or badminton. It is actually more than
sport
Correct article usage
a sport
show examples
,
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apply
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 because you will
feet
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 it like a game.
To sum up
, going to the gym is good for you because it has many
sport
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sports
show examples
 tools and you will be
surround
Wrong verb form
surrounded
show examples
 by
people
 with
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 vision. But, outdoor activities are
also
 fun to do. If money is not a problem, combining
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of sports will be a pretty mode to make you far away from an illness.
Submitted by dyahkusumaningrum18 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you are directly addressing the task prompt throughout the essay. The essay must clearly present both views and your own opinion. Establish a clear position and maintain this position consistently.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences, followed by supporting sentences and coherent examples. Each paragraph should link smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear. The introduction should introduce the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion needs to summarize the main points and your opinion without presenting new information.
task achievement
Support your main points with concrete and relevant examples. Examples can illustrate your perspective effectively and help the reader to understand your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to avoid errors that can impede communication. Ensure you are using the proper form of words (e.g., 'effect' instead of 'affect') and the correct verb tenses.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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