Many feel that going to gym is the best way to stay fit. Other think there are more efective methods. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Nowadays, staying fit is one goal
people
want to achieve. Many of them believe that going to the gym is the best procedure to remain healthy. On the other hand
, there are more techniques which others think that
it is more effective. I will explain my views in the following essay.
Correct word choice
apply
Firstly
, going to the gym is more familiar for communities who live in the city. It will charge you with
some cost, so it is just for Change preposition
apply
people
who can afford
. But, you pay for a price, you get the quality. Correct pronoun usage
afford it
This
place has lots of sport
Change the noun form
sports
equipments
that you can choose to support managing your body. Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
Moreover
, you will guide
by a mentor to monitor your Wrong verb form
be guided
activies
. Not only that, you will Correct your spelling
activities
also
surround
by the Wrong verb form
be surrounded
people
with same vision to be
healthy. Change preposition
of being
Consequently
, it will motivate you to be so.
Secondly
, there are also
many ways to do a sport
that free
for you, Add a missing verb
is free
such
as running and walking. These activities are not only making you fit, but also
it
can make you fresh because you can choose the way you walk or run. Despite that, other sports that can do with your friend or other Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
are going to be fun, like football, vollyball
, or badminton. It is actually more than Correct your spelling
volleyball
sport
Correct article usage
a sport
,
because you will Remove the comma
apply
feet
it like a game.
Correct your spelling
feel
To sum up
, going to the gym is good for you because it has many sport
tools and you will be Change the noun form
sports
surround
by Wrong verb form
surrounded
people
with same
vision. But, outdoor activities are Add an article
the same
also
fun to do. If money is not a problem, combining these kind
of sports will be a pretty mode to make you far away from an illness.Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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task achievement
Ensure that you are directly addressing the task prompt throughout the essay. The essay must clearly present both views and your own opinion. Establish a clear position and maintain this position consistently.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences, followed by supporting sentences and coherent examples. Each paragraph should link smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear. The introduction should introduce the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion needs to summarize the main points and your opinion without presenting new information.
task achievement
Support your main points with concrete and relevant examples. Examples can illustrate your perspective effectively and help the reader to understand your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to avoid errors that can impede communication. Ensure you are using the proper form of words (e.g., 'effect' instead of 'affect') and the correct verb tenses.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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