Some people believe that university education is essential if people have a successful life, while others think that nowadays this is not true. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, it is considered vital for high school students to pass their exams and gain a place at a reputable
university
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. If they do so, many
people
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argue it is very likely that they will be successful throughout their lives.
However
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, in my view, there is no direct correlation between a
university
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education
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and an enjoyable and full
life
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.
It is clear that
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success
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in
life
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can be defined in several ways. If
success
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means enjoying
life
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,
then
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this
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does not require a graduate or postgraduate degree.
However
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, if
success
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is defined as getting a good job, and enjoying a prestigious career, a higher
education
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is a vital tool for achieving
this
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.
For example
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, many jobs,
such
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as in medical and legal practice, are closed to those who do not have graduate or postgraduate qualifications in that particular field.
As a result
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, anybody who wants to get a job in one of the professions, or a management position in a prestigious company, must graduate from tertiary
education
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.
However
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, the world is full of examples of
people
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who have been successful despite not going to
university
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, or even completing secondary
education
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in some cases. If
people
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have a brilliant business idea, it is not necessary for them to complete a
university
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course in order to set up an extremely successful company and make hundreds of millions of dollars.
For example
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, neither Bill Gates nor Steve Jobs graduated from
university
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,
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but were dramatically successful in their business careers after dropping out halfway through their courses.
Consequently
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, it is by no means certain that somebody who does not flourish at
university
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will not have a successful
life
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. In today’s rapidly changing world, it is necessary to keep an open mind about what constitutes
success
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.
Although
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in general obtaining a good degree is essential for most
people
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to enjoy a successful career,
this
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is by no means true for everyone.
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task achievement
You have addressed the prompt with an appropriate level of depth, and there is a clear position throughout your response. Nonetheless, to enhance your score further, ensure you expand on both points of view equally and develop your conclusion to fully encapsulate your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay exhibits a coherent flow of ideas with an identifiable introduction and conclusion. However, you could improve the cohesion by using a wider range of linking words and ensuring even development of both sides of the argument to strengthen the logical structure.
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