some feel that governments should priotize healthcare instead of other important areas. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people are of the opinion that the
healthcare
system
should be allocated more consideration rather than other important areas by governments. I strongly agree with this
idea mainly due to
its effect on the standard of living in a country
.
The healthcare
system
is a key factor in the standard of living in a society. This
means that, as a result
of a suitable healthcare
system
such
as efficient premises and skilful staff, people in a community are more likely to benefit from a peaceful atmosphere and less exposure to stress. Due to
the fact that they believe they can take full advantage of the best mental and physical treatments when they face a problem. This
can lead to a suitable society for working and living at last
.
In addition
, this
system
can play a critical role in the economy of the country
. In terms of this
, because of investment in healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
system
, the number of patients from different countries in order to access efficient treatment has increased. For example
, the health care system
of the UK can benefit from a wide variety of visitors from around the world due to
its quality per annum. This
can result in fostering the economy in the long run.
Another group of people claims that priotizing
Correct your spelling
prioritising
healthcare
rather than other important areas can decrease the pace of development. They insist that this
can reduce the amount of the budget that
allocated for education and infrastructure in a society. Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, In my idea, it is not a valid opinion because private parties in each country
can invest in these areas. They activities can help not to diminish the pace of the devolpment
in countries.
In conclusion, I totally agree that the Correct your spelling
development
developments
healthcare
system
is of paramount importance to the government due to
increase
Wrong verb form
increases
the
standard of living and Change preposition
in the
help
foster the economy of a Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
country
.Submitted by kargar.mh1992 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and contributes to the argument. For example, expand on the economic benefit of healthcare investment with more statistics or examples.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor typographical and grammatical errors, such as in 'priotizing' which should be 'prioritizing,' and 'devolpment' which should be 'development.' Proofreading can help to minimize these errors.
task achievement
Add more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to elevate your essay. For example, use synonyms for 'important' and 'system,' or vary sentence beginnings to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Include additional examples or data to make your argument more compelling and to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue. For instance, data about healthcare improvements in specific countries could be valuable.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the UK healthcare system attracting patients from different countries, which helped to support your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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