students should spend timeworking before beginning their university studies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is a common view that young people
ough
Correct your spelling
ought
show examples
to find a
job
before their
university
education.
This
essay agrees that it is more important to go to work first rather than go to learn at college early if they are
students
. The main benefit of having a
job
before
university
studies is
students
can gain practical skills.
This
is because most of the jobs that young people work require labor which might teach them basic skills.
For instance
,
waiter
Correct article usage
the waiter
show examples
job
is one of the most preferred
profession
Fix the agreement mistake
professions
show examples
by young people and might teach them how to wash dishes and remove the table.
Moreover
, working in a
coffeshop
Correct your spelling
coffeeshop
coffee shop
also
is the second most preferred
job
by youngsters. They can learn how to make different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
of
coffes
Correct your spelling
coffees
coffee
,
cakes
Correct word choice
and cakes
show examples
, and even improve their social skills by having a chat with customers and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
friendships.
Secondly
, from the financial point of view, another advantage is earning income before
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
can lessen the financial burden of tuition fees and living expenses.
Thus
, it reduces the need for student loans.
For example
, Hong Kong, a big city in China, has one of the lowest rates of
students
Change the noun form
student
show examples
loan applications because
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
government gives incentives to teenagers to make them work in a
job
before their
university
studies.
However
, a drawback is that working in a
job
might cause a delay in their career which can be crucial for the
students
who want to step into the business world as fast as they can.
To sum up
, there are benefits and disadvantages of working before college. Personally speaking, I am inclined to believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by edzcls on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic logical structure; however, improved coherence could be achieved through clearer transitions and better paragraph structure. Ensure each paragraph contains one main idea with clear supporting details.
task achievement
Ideas in the essay are relevant to the task, yet they need to be more fully expanded. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic that is developed with specific reasons, examples, and details.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • practical experience
  • academic learning
  • theoretical concepts
  • soft skills
  • time management
  • financial burden
  • tuition fees
  • student loans
  • work experience
  • competitive job market
  • career goals
  • field of study
  • cultural exposure
  • global mindset
  • career progression
  • academic skills atrophy
  • period of adjustment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: