IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984.

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The charts below compare the age structure of the populations of France and India in 1984.
This
Linking Words
 graph shows the different
age
Use synonyms
distribution
Use synonyms
 of
both
Use synonyms
 genders in
France
Use synonyms
 and in
India
Use synonyms
 in 1984. It compares the percentage of small
age
Use synonyms
 groups , but
also
Linking Words
 the natality and life expectancy.
Overall
Linking Words
,
India
Use synonyms
 has a very important amount of young population with a strong natality. But
this
Linking Words
 large proportion is decreasing over the different ageing groups.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
France
Use synonyms
 has a balanced proportion of
age
Use synonyms
distribution
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 the eldest generation is bigger. In
India
Use synonyms
, the most important category is the children aged between 0 and 5 , with around 7% for
both
Use synonyms
 females and males.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 high percentage is gradually decreasing as the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 increases, with approximately 3% for the category of 25 to 30. And
this
Linking Words
 illustrates the very reduced life expectancy for adolescents.
However
Linking Words
, in
France
Use synonyms
, the
distribution
Use synonyms
 was more stable , the younger category represents around 3% and 4% for each gender.
In addition
Linking Words
, the population aged between 30 and 35 represents 4%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the most important difference between the
twoboth
Correct your spelling
two
 countries is the different
age
Use synonyms
 rate in the older categories. In
India
Use synonyms
, the percentage of the elderly generation is strongly lower
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 the older
group
Use synonyms
 was lower than 70 , with less than 2% for
both
Use synonyms
 males and females.
While
Linking Words
 in
France
Use synonyms
, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 60 to 65 represents a significant part of the country’s population , and the oldest
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 is 85, which still represents 1.5%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
India
Use synonyms
 and
France
Use synonyms
 have a relatively similar proportion of the gender
distribution
Use synonyms
 in different categories.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, distribution, both, france, india, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • charts
  • age structure
  • populations
  • France
  • India
  • 1984
  • overall
  • different
  • evenly distributed
  • proportion
  • young people
  • elderly individuals
  • largest age group
What to do next:
Look at other essays: