IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries.

The bar chart below shows the total number of Olympic medals won by twelve different countries.
The bar chart shows the total
number
Use synonyms
 of Olympic
medals
Use synonyms
 won by different countries. These
medals
Use synonyms
 are divided
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 gold, silver and bronze.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the USA has won a lot more
medals
Use synonyms
 than the other countries.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 we can see that China and Japan have the lowest
medals
Use synonyms
 in the graph.
In addition
Linking Words
, the other countries have a similar ranking of gold, silver and bronze. First of all, the USA is the most winning country, with more than 2200
medals
Use synonyms
 in total. It has won a very high
number
Use synonyms
 of gold, silver and bronze
medals
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the Soviet Union is the second one with approximately 1000. The UK is third
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 its total
number
Use synonyms
 of
medals
Use synonyms
 is much lower than
the
Correct pronoun usage
that of the
show examples
 USA and
Soviet
Correct article usage
the Soviet
show examples
 Union.
Moreover
Linking Words
, France and
Germany
Use synonyms
 have comparable results, both with around 600
medals
Use synonyms
. Italy and Sweden follow with slightly fewer
medals
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Australia, Hungary and East
Germany
Use synonyms
 have totals between about 300 and 450
medals
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we can see that France and
Germany
Use synonyms
 have similar results, both with 600 and 550
medals
Use synonyms
. Italy and Sweden follow them with 500 and 450.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 Australia, Hungary and
east
Fix capitalization
East
show examples
Germany
Use synonyms
 have more than 300
all
Punctuation problem
, all
show examples
 of them.
Finally
Linking Words
, Japan and China have the
smaller
Correct word choice
smallest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
medals
Use synonyms
 with
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 than 300.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, moreover".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, medals, germany with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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