Some people believe that construction of new public buildings such as museums, towns halls and sporting is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
Public
buildings
such
as museums and town halls can be considered as city
's most important aspects. In most cases, a community place will not be functional enough if they do not have good management for it. There are many ways to improve the effectiveness and functionalities of these spaces. As can be seen, some people agree that the government should build new buildings
, while
others say that it would be better to revamp the current public sites. From my perspective, both sides have their own advantages and disadvantages that depend on the social situation itself.
On the bright side, constructing new public buildings
could create positive impacts on the community of the city
. A place with new concepts, followed by new public spaces, could engage the people to do more activity with their own facilities. Other than that, new public places could attract more tourists , which has the potential for more income. For example
, a new museum could attract tourists by providing experiences of local traditions and cultures of the city
.
However
, constructing new buildings
has its own risk
, especially when they depend on many factors Fix the agreement mistake
risks
such
as environment, social
, and economy. Replace the word
society
First,
it could waste a lot of money to build public spaces, especially when the government is still lacking in fulfilling the primary needs of its people. Second,
with bad management, the project is at risk of ending up as a failure that can cause many problems such
as economic and environmental problems.
It can be concluded that improving public facilities and buildings
can be done with two methods: constructing new buildings
or refurnishing the existing ones. This
method depends on the community situation of certain places/cities, where it needs a full examination of the city
's conditions from many factors such
as economy, society, politics, and environment.Submitted by writingielts0 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but the paragraphs could be more logically connected. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next using cohesive devices and clear topic sentences that relate back to the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. The introduction should broadly state both viewpoints and your own opinion, whereas the conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments made and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but they require stronger development. Try to elaborate on your arguments with clear and specific examples or data, and expand on how these points effectively support your thesis.
task achievement
You have provided a response to the task, including discussing both views and giving your own opinion. However, further emphasis is needed to fully address all parts of the prompt. Make sure your opinion is clear and reflected throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas presented are understandable but require more depth and development to be considered comprehensive. Work on expanding your ideas by explaining the rationale behind them and discussing their implications in the context of the question.
task achievement
While you provided examples, they lack depth and specificity. To strengthen your essay, include more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the arguments you're making. These examples should solidify your claims and make them more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
