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Band 7.5

Some believe that all individuals who break the law should be placed in prison as a form of punishment. However, others hold the view that there are more effective alternatives to deal with lawbreakers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people harbour a belief that lawbreakers should be put in jail as a form of punishment, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that there are some different ways to cope with them. I am inclined to stand neutrally with both statements because there will be no vacancies in prison when all the people who commit a crime are placed but they still need punishment.
Initially
, one of the main arguments in favour of putting all criminals in prison is because of social safety. When citizens are sure that people who break laws will be in prison, some may be frightened if they have bad thoughts and some may feel safe as they are sure those who do not obey the law are not around.
Therefore
, placing all the criminals in jail will not only threaten undesirable groups but
also
 ease public anxiety. At the other end of the spectrum, there are so many lawbreakers that prisons do not have enough space to have them.
Thus
, the government should set up some alternatives to punish them
according to
 their crimes.
For example
, fines and doing public service can be considered common ways to ban some illegal behaviours. Considering the restriction of capacity, it is vital to find new ways to deal with individuals who go against the law.
To sum up
, despite the fact that placing all the individuals who commit crimes in jail is an efficient way to tackle safety issues, the limitations of prisons can not be ignored.
Although
 there are alternative punishments like fines and doing public service, authorities still need to build up comprehensive policies to alleviate the crime rate so as to create a society where residents can live in peace.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an acceptable level of coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is present with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, to enhance the coherence of your writing, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, strive for paragraphing that distinctly separates different points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and have provided a response that covers both arguments and offers an opinion. However, to achieve a higher score, it is important to develop your ideas further and provide more detailed explanations or examples. Make sure your examples are fully relevant and give your paragraphs a clear central topic, which is expanded with specific details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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