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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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In a few parts of the world,
apprenticeships
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 are more popular than attending
university
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.
People
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 often choose to go straight into skill-based training following high school where they learn essential skills through
experience
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instead
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 of spending years studying for a degree and not having the
experience
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 to start a
job
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and see if the
advantages
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 of
apprenticeships
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 outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
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, by going straight into training, youngsters are directly thrown into the world of work where they have the chance to
experience
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 work life first-hand.
For instance
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, when working for a wholesale business, young
people
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 can immediately gain
experience
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 of stock inventory, customer service and sale targets.
Moreover
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, by not choosing to go to
university
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 and spending around four years academically, students add around 4 years of
experience
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 to their profile.
Consequently
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,
this
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 becomes enough time to excel in any field.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can save thousands of pounds by not going to
university
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 and working from a younger age, which can in turn put them in a better financial position.
Therefore
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 the
advantages
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 of going straight into training following high school is efficient and cost-effective.
Nevertheless
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, there are drawbacks to not attending
university
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 and going to training,
University
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 degrees are often broad and give multiple career possibilities for graduates to choose from,
however
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, with
apprenticeships
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,
people
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 are often stuck to one particular
job
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such
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 as a plumber or painter. In the event that they lose interest in the
job
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, they will be left with no wider range of knowledge.
Therefore
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,
university
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 degrees provide
people
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 with the opportunity to extend and apply their knowledge to various careers,
As a consequence
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,
university
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 degrees provide better
job
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 security and because of that, I believe the disadvantages of
apprenticeships
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 outweigh the
advantages
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 as it has the increased risk of being unemployed. In conclusion, there are huge
advantages
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 of going straight into work-related training namely gaining more
experience
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 at a younger age and saving money.
On the other hand
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, it does not outweigh the
advantages
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 of going to
university
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 which include gaining a wide range of knowledge and having an increased
job
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 security.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly with linking words and phrases to enhance the logical structure. For example, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother.
task achievement
Elaborate further on examples and provide more specific details to strengthen the support for your main points. This could enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
task achievement
Consider presenting a more balanced view by discussing specific scenarios where work-based training might be particularly advantageous, thereby showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and the structure of the essay, setting up expectations effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and provides a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, like the one concerning a wholesale business, help to clarify and support your arguments.
task achievement
You have effectively articulated your viewpoint and provided reasons for why you believe the disadvantages of apprenticeships outweigh the advantages.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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