IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #products #world #development
Nowadays, the differences between countries are decreasing, as purchasing a product is possible all around the world.
Although
 the availability of similar
products
 worldwide has positive and negative effects, I believe that the disadvantages of the development outweigh the advantages. It can be useful for
people
 around the world to buy similar goods.
Firstly
,
people
 can access
products
 without
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or importing.
Therefore
, the availability of
products
 increases convenience and efficiency and avoids the wastage of money.
Secondly
, it can be seen that cultural exchange is promoted
as a result
 of the availability of goods, as
people
 can get to know other cultures through their commodities.
However
,
people
 in the community use
products
 available in their own country, which can lead to the loss of cultural diversity, because only one culture may become dominant, which can result in the substitution of internationally popular
products
.
For example
, today most youngsters, all over the world, are attracted to fashionable clothes and follow the changing modern industry. When there is only one dominant culture, citizens will become more and more similar to each other, until the point that they are no longer identifiable from others.
Overall
,
this
 phenomenon can lead to a society with no diversity in it.
In addition
, transportation can lead to environmental issues from one country to another.
This
 is because more vehicles, ships, and
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 consume fossil fuels and relieve carbon dioxide and gas emissions.
This
 is because most vehicles, ships, and
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 consume fossil fuels that produce exhaust fumes and release carbon dioxide. In
this
 regard, damage to the environment will bring out global warming, extinction of endangered species, and serious health problems. In conclusion,
However
, in my opinion, its negative effects in terms of damaging the environment and loss of cultural diversity override its positives.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction, indicating your view about the given topic, and ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure all parts of the task are covered with appropriate detail. You should extend and support your main ideas with specific examples or evidence whenever possible, not just generalities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs, using a range of cohesive devices effectively. Paragraphs should be well-developed with clear topic sentences and follow-up explanation or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay's organization is generally good, but you can improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has one clear main idea that is developed coherently.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: