Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Emerging

disease

Use synonyms

is a complex matter as it IS caused by various reasons. If

disease

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control is taken lightly, it would cause a bigger catastrophe,

such

Linking Words

as AN epidemic or even A pandemic. I side with some people who believe

ABOUT

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show examples

the importance of government

to manage

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in managing

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the root cause of emerging

Use synonyms

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

, including manmade

hazardS

Correct your spelling

hazards

show examples

pollutions

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pollution

show examples

and housing problems.

This

Linking Words

will be proven by discussing various airborne

Use synonyms

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

in a packed neighbourhood,

as well as

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comparing the illness trends between village and city.

Firstly

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, so many kinds of bacteria and

virusES

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viruses

show examples

are getting transferred

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apply

show examples

FROM one person to another by air and

Remove the article

apply

show examples

close contact between

ill

Correct article usage

an ill

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patient and

health

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

population can increase the agent’s transmission.

For instance

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, there is A higher chance of Tuberculosis (TBC)

transMISSION

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transmission

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in A lower-income society because their homes ARE

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

very close to each other. The other example is a skyrocketing rise NUMBER of asphyxiation among people in industrial

area

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areas

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as they inhale a lot of hazardous particles.

Hence

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unregulated housing and pollution control

are

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undoubtedly the most pivotal cause of illnesses, especially airborne

Use synonyms

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

Secondly

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, taking a closer look at

disease

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trend

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trends

show examples

among city and village inhabitants, the former tend to suffer from more chronic

Use synonyms

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

that

Linking Words

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

untreatable than the people who live in a village. The reason behind

that is

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that the villagers are still able to enjoy the unpolluted oxygen as they do not use much fossil-fueled private transportation, compared to the urban society.

Thus

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, it is apparent that

life

Correct article usage

the life

show examples

quality of villagers

are

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show examples

relatively better than those who live in the city because they face less

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

environmental pollution and housing

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

. In conclusion, both good housing

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

and well-controlled environmental

hazard

Fix the agreement mistake

hazards

show examples

are crucial to prevent the transmission of illnesses.

Hence

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, it is agreeable to urge the government to utilize its authority to manage more convenient places to live and make strong regulations to stop the

occurence

Correct your spelling

occurrence

of environmental issues.

pink pantherThu Jan 04 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to directly address the prompt in the introduction and the conclusion to ensure a complete response. Your essay partially addresses the topic, but could benefit from a clearer position stated in both the intro and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a progression of ideas, but transitions and paragraph structures could be improved for better logical flow. Try to use varied and clear topic sentences and more cohesive devices.

task achievement

While examples are provided, aim to use specific and directly relevant examples to support your main points. Vague references like 'so many kinds of bacteria and viruses' need to be more precise.

coherence cohesion

Be careful with grammatical accuracy, especially with articles and subject-verb agreement, as errors can hinder the clarity of your argument.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

325 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
environmental regulations
respiratory diseases
public health policies
sanitation facilities
urban planning
communicable diseases
socio-economic factors
sustainable development
government intervention
healthcare infrastructure
industrial emissions
air quality index
affordable housing
mental wellbeing

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