Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution

Emerging

disease

is a complex matter as it IS caused by various reasons. If

disease

control is taken lightly, it would cause a bigger catastrophe,

such

as AN epidemic or even A pandemic. I side with some people who believe

ABOUT

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the importance of government

to manage

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in managing

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the root cause of emerging

disease

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diseases

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, including manmade

hazardS

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hazards

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pollutions

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pollution

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and housing problems.

This

will be proven by discussing various airborne

disease

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diseases

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in a packed neighbourhood,

as well as

comparing the illness trends between village and city.

Firstly

, so many kinds of bacteria and

virusES

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viruses

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are getting transferred

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apply

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FROM one person to another by air and

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apply

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close contact between

ill

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an ill

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patient and

health

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the health

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population can increase the agent’s transmission.

For instance

, there is A higher chance of Tuberculosis (TBC)

transMISSION

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transmission

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in A lower-income society because their homes ARE

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apply

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very close to each other. The other example is a skyrocketing rise NUMBER of asphyxiation among people in industrial

area

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areas

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as they inhale a lot of hazardous particles.

Hence

the

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apply

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unregulated housing and pollution control

are

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undoubtedly the most pivotal cause of illnesses, especially airborne

disease

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diseases

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Secondly

, taking a closer look at

disease

trend

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trends

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among city and village inhabitants, the former tend to suffer from more chronic

disease

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diseases

show examples

that

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are

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untreatable than the people who live in a village. The reason behind

that is

that the villagers are still able to enjoy the unpolluted oxygen as they do not use much fossil-fueled private transportation, compared to the urban society.

Thus

, it is apparent that

life

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the life

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quality of villagers

are

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relatively better than those who live in the city because they face less

the

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apply

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environmental pollution and housing

problem

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problems

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. In conclusion, both good housing

area

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areas

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and well-controlled environmental

hazard

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hazards

show examples

are crucial to prevent the transmission of illnesses.

Hence

, it is agreeable to urge the government to utilize its authority to manage more convenient places to live and make strong regulations to stop the

occurence

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occurrence

of environmental issues.

Submitted by pink panther on Thu Jan 04 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to directly address the prompt in the introduction and the conclusion to ensure a complete response. Your essay partially addresses the topic, but could benefit from a clearer position stated in both the intro and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a progression of ideas, but transitions and paragraph structures could be improved for better logical flow. Try to use varied and clear topic sentences and more cohesive devices.

task achievement

While examples are provided, aim to use specific and directly relevant examples to support your main points. Vague references like 'so many kinds of bacteria and viruses' need to be more precise.

coherence cohesion

Be careful with grammatical accuracy, especially with articles and subject-verb agreement, as errors can hinder the clarity of your argument.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

325 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
environmental regulations
respiratory diseases
public health policies
sanitation facilities
urban planning
communicable diseases
socio-economic factors
sustainable development
government intervention
healthcare infrastructure
industrial emissions
air quality index
affordable housing
mental wellbeing

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Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

most employers do job interview before offering a position to a person. do you think this is the best way to do it, or are there better alternatives? what is the best method of choosing employees in your opinion?

Some people think that in order to produce a happy society,it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earning of the richest and poorest.

People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?