Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Recently,the competitiveness of the job market has been rising at an alarming rate,
thus
, some are claiming that students should be engaged in studies for at least 18 years
. Although
there are pros and cons, I totally agree with this
above notion,which will be discussed in the following essay.
First and foremost, the age of a person itself implies a myriad of experiences, knowledge and skills Therefore
, more time spent on learning things helps a child to acquire a plethora of capabilities that may be useful for him in the professional life
. For example
, extending the academic period up to 18 years
will make that individual more mature and skillful which may be beneficial for his career life
.
On the other hand
, when comparing the
soft skills like decision-making, Correct article usage
apply
planing
, team working, critical thinking and the social behaviour of a teenager and an adult above 18 Correct your spelling
planning
years
, the performances of the latter group are more significant. For instance
, the current employment trends reveal that,
the majority of employers are seeking experienced young adults, rather than the youngers.
Remove the comma
apply
In contrast
, schooling for nearly two decades of life
may not be a practical issue for everyone in society, due to
the
some circumstances like poverty,familial responsibilities and self-expectations. Remove the article
apply
Thus
some may seek a job just after the secondary educational level, which is an unavoidable humanistic fact.
To conclude
, despite some reasonable negative outcomes, I admire that the schoolers should be encouraged to follow their studies till they reach 18 years
of their life
.Submitted by oriexam6 on
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task achievement
Your introduction could be a bit clearer in stating your position. Including a clearer thesis statement will help set the direction for the essay.
task achievement
While your paragraphs are relevant and your main points are clear, some of your examples could be more specific to help illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that linkers and transitional phrases are used consistently throughout the essay. For example, phrases like "on the other hand" and "in contrast" could be better integrated to show clear relationships between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion could be more comprehensive by summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs rather than just stating your position again.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides a balanced overview of both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a sense of completeness to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is mostly clear, and the essay is generally easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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