IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #risks #lives
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Some
people
 think that It is crucial
for having
Change preposition
to have
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 a challenge in
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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 either
on
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in
show examples
 their own
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 or
working
Change the form of the verb
work
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. Many
people
 have different
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 on it.
This
 passage will discuss whether the
risk
 we bear to take or not that
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
to take
Verb problem
it
show examples
. In the beginning, the
risk
on
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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live
Replace the word
life
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 can be expressed
many
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in many
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things
such
 as disease and
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
. The
risk
 can be
the
Correct article usage
apply
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uncertainly
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uncertain
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things
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
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be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
show examples
 in the future. I think
for
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apply
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taking a
risk
 can be
benefited
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 based on personal growth.
Frist
Correct your spelling
First
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 of all, for personal growth, we can be more resilient after facing
risk
. If there is no challenge in their own
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and their workplace,
people
 will become dull and lazy. Life cannot be so vibrant. They cannot be using
other viewpoint
Change the wording
another viewpoint
other viewpoints
show examples
 to see the
things
 going on.
For example
,
people
is
Change the verb form
are
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 suffering a deadly diseases. They can not
noticed
Change the verb form
notice
be noticed
show examples
 their families love them so much. The
risk
 can lead
out
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to
show examples
 the understanding of
meaning
Add an article
the meaning
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 of
live
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life
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although
 the person will die
finally
.
Secondly
,
people
 can develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
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skills
from
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by
show examples
 taking
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
.
For example
, scientists are taking a
risk
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 testing all the
specimen
Fix the agreement mistake
specimens
show examples
. They have to do much of the experiment to get the result. If anything goes wrong in the process,
experiment
Add an article
the experiment
show examples
 will be explosive
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
to
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apply
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disaster.
Finally
, I support
to
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apply
show examples
taking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks
on
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in
show examples
 our own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 because of building up our
resilient
Replace the word
resilience
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different
things
.
Submitted by lawrencechan20 on

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coherence cohesion
You should strive to structure your essay in a clear and logical manner. Begin with an introduction that paraphrases the question, states your main points, and presents your opinion. Continue with body paragraphs that each focus on a single main point, supported by relevant examples or explanations. Conclude with a summary that restates your opinion and main points.
task achievement
It's vital to remain relevant to the topic throughout your essay. Make sure each paragraph directly addresses the question and does not deviate to unrelated areas. Additionally, expanding on your examples with further detail and direct links to the question can help with task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases and sentence variety to guide the reader through your argument and to maintain a flow throughout your essay. Cohesion devices such as 'firstly,' 'secondly,' and 'finally,' help signify the structure of your argument to the examiner.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to proofread your work for grammatical accuracy and to ensure clarity of your points. Avoid typographical errors ('Frist of all' should be 'First of all') and make sure your grammar does not interfere with the reader's understanding of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: