Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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A number of youngsters devote a great amount of

time

Use synonyms

to using their handsets on a daily basis. In my opinion,

this

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situation can stem from loneliness

as well as

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a lack of opportunity to play with others. I

further

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believe

this

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development has considerable drawbacks

due to

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several reasons.

Firstly

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, more

children

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are growing up in small families where they are an only child and their parents are busy with their jobs.

This

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situation can contribute to feeling more lonely in life.

Therefore

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children

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tend to utilize their phones as a means of communication with their counterparts.

Furthermore

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, the lack of public spaces and recreational facilities

such

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as playgrounds in most buildings can explain why

children

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prefer spending

time

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on their smartphones. They are not able to play physical games in a real playground so they are restricted to the virtual world on their devices. I am strongly of the opinion that

this

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change in

children

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’s lives has more negative effects on them. Allocating a great amount of

time

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to using mobile phones is detrimental to

children

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’s both physical and behavioural conditions. Considering physical effects, they lead a sedentary lifestyle and

as a result

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, their

overall

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well-being can be affected as they may suffer from several health problems

such

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as obesity or spinal problems in the future. As for behavioural changes, most of the

children

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who communicate only through technology may become anti-socialized and their social and interpersonal skills may suffer.

To conclude

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, feeling the need to stay in touch with others and not having the chance to play physically can give rise to spending excessive

time

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on personal smartphones by

children

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. I believe

this

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transformation in

children

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’s lives has substantial disadvantages and affects them in terms of causing physical and behavioural problems in the future.

mahtab.motevallianFri Jan 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use conjunctions and transition words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic and your viewpoint on it. As you've done so adequately, maintain this standard for all essays.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with specific examples or explanations. Try to incorporate real-world examples or hypothetical situations to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task to provide a clear and well-developed response. Ensure you explain the reasons behind the trend and discuss both its positive and negative aspects thoroughly.

task achievement

Present clear, comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the topic at hand. Avoid vague generalizations and support your statements with concrete details.

task achievement

Incorporating more specific examples into your essay can vividly illustrate your points and make your arguments more compelling.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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