Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

A number of youngsters devote a great amount of

time

Use synonyms

to using their handsets on a daily basis. In my opinion,

this

Linking Words

situation can stem from loneliness

as well as

Linking Words

a lack of opportunity to play with others. I

further

Linking Words

believe

this

Linking Words

development has considerable drawbacks

due to

Linking Words

several reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

, more

children

Use synonyms

are growing up in small families where they are an only child and their parents are busy with their jobs.

This

Linking Words

situation can contribute to feeling more lonely in life.

Therefore

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

tend to utilize their phones as a means of communication with their counterparts.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the lack of public spaces and recreational facilities

such

Linking Words

as playgrounds in most buildings can explain why

children

Use synonyms

prefer spending

time

Use synonyms

on their smartphones. They are not able to play physical games in a real playground so they are restricted to the virtual world on their devices. I am strongly of the opinion that

this

Linking Words

change in

children

Use synonyms

’s lives has more negative effects on them. Allocating a great amount of

time

Use synonyms

to using mobile phones is detrimental to

children

Use synonyms

’s both physical and behavioural conditions. Considering physical effects, they lead a sedentary lifestyle and

as a result

Linking Words

, their

overall

Linking Words

well-being can be affected as they may suffer from several health problems

such

Linking Words

as obesity or spinal problems in the future. As for behavioural changes, most of the

children

Use synonyms

who communicate only through technology may become anti-socialized and their social and interpersonal skills may suffer.

To conclude

Linking Words

, feeling the need to stay in touch with others and not having the chance to play physically can give rise to spending excessive

time

Use synonyms

on personal smartphones by

children

Use synonyms

. I believe

this

Linking Words

transformation in

children

Use synonyms

’s lives has substantial disadvantages and affects them in terms of causing physical and behavioural problems in the future.

mahtab.motevallian

Jan 5, 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use conjunctions and transition words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state the topic and your viewpoint on it. As you've done so adequately, maintain this standard for all essays.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with specific examples or explanations. Try to incorporate real-world examples or hypothetical situations to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task to provide a clear and well-developed response. Ensure you explain the reasons behind the trend and discuss both its positive and negative aspects thoroughly.

task achievement

Present clear, comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the topic at hand. Avoid vague generalizations and support your statements with concrete details.

task achievement

Incorporating more specific examples into your essay can vividly illustrate your points and make your arguments more compelling.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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