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Band 6

In many modern societies, grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their parents. What do you think as the consequence of this?

#societies #grandchildren #quality #time #parents #consequence
In
this
 modern generation, grandchildren hardly spend
time
 with their family.
According to
 me, there are many outcomes of less spending
time
 with their
parents
 some have negative and positive aspects.
Due to
this
 reason, young people have lost connection with family and have no knowledge about their customs, cultures and traditions.
For example
, most children these days for
further
 study need to go outside of the town.
Thus
,
this
 compels them to stay there and adapt culture of other cities or countries.
Moreover
, staying far away from their
parents
 for a long
time
 makes relations weak between them which leads to hesitation for them to explain their emotions and feelings to each other.
Therefore
, children rarely explain their problems to their
parents
 which creates differences between them and can lead to conflicts as well.
On the other hand
, there are a plethora of positive effects as well.
Due to
 living separately from their
parents
 for a
while
, they learn the lesson from
life
 and they work by themselves and do not depend on their family, especially financially.
For instance
, when they start living in a house or apartment without
taking
Verb problem
getting
show examples
 help from their
parents
, they become independent and pay bills by themselves.
Besides
, they learn to deal with different kinds of people on their own, which helps them in their future
life
. In conclusion,
although
 not
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 enough
time
 with their
parents
 might
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 connection with their children
in contrast
, by exploring the world by themselves, they learn lessons of
life
 which they can apply in their upcoming
life
.
Submitted by AP on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear main idea and is fully developed with examples or explanations.
Lexical Resource
Try to use a wider range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and enrich your arguments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Ensure to vary your sentence structures to improve the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Task Response
Clarify and explicitly state your opinion in the conclusion to strengthen your argument and task response.
Task Response
The essay presents a balanced view, addressing both negative and positive aspects of the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good attempt at structuring the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Includes examples to support points, enhancing the effectiveness of the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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