IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

It is quite apparent that many criminals re-offend after being punished. What are the main reasons of this? What solutions you can offer?

#criminals #re-offend #offer
It has been a quite visible observation that a substantial number of criminals are released from prison only to re-offend.
This
 essay will first suggest that the primary factors of
this
 issue are the lack of
rehabilitation
 programs in prisons and social isolation. For that reason, two viable solutions should be enforced.
To begin
 with, the main cause of first-timer offenders having a tendency or even immediately recommitting crimes is
due to
 the lack of
rehabilitation
 programs. Despite being a compulsory program, the depth of the agenda and its monitoring and evaluation are frequently overlooked by the authorities.
Moreover
, isolation from society is inevitable for released individuals as It is often thought that imprisonment is not enough,
thus
 the feeling of alienation will increase the risk and desire to return to criminal
activities
.
For instance
, an ex-convict of a sexual harassment case in South Korea was released and a mass of people were protesting for his release. A year later, he was found guilty of threatening his past victim with whom he shared the same neighbourhood. Feasible resolutions for
this
 phenomenon would be to improve the comprehensive level of
rehabilitation
 agendas and facilitate community-based
activities
 for ex-offenders.
Rehabilitation
 programs within prisons must address underlying issues contributing to criminal behaviour
such
 as mental health counselling, regular religious events, and educational/vocational training.
Furthermore
, authorities should keep former prisoners on navigation and assist them in contributing to positive
activities
 within their communities. Japan,
for example
, has been promoting employment assistance and training for ex-convicts to reduce recidivism. To wrap things up, well-developed
rehabilitation
 agendas and assistance in the form of community-based
activities
 are effective solutions to deal with
this
 matter. If the government implement it, the rate of former convicts reoffending crimes might be declining.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph smoothly transitioning to the next. Try to develop your ideas fully, dedicating a single paragraph to an individual point, which will enhance the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally on topic. Aim for a stronger thesis statement and a more definitive conclusion that reinforces your main points. This will improve clarity and the impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. The use of specific examples helps to strengthen your essay and provide clearer evidence for your arguments.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task, there's room to develop your response in greater depth. Exploring the causes and solutions to the problem of reoffending with enriched content and detail will greatly benefit your score.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and you seem to understand the topic well. However, there's a potential to expand your ideas further for more comprehensive coverage. This would ensure a full exploration of the issue presented in the task.
task achievement
Providing more relevant, specific examples enhances the quality of your essay. It's beneficial to illustrate your points with concrete instances or data where possible, which will aid in demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: