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Band 9

In many countries today, women have full-time jobs. Therefore, it is reasonable to share housework equally between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#countries #women #jobs #housework #men
The trend of full-time labour among women has created a balance of chores and responsibilities with their spouses. Personally, I am completely in the same boat with
this
 notion.
This
 phenomenon can lessen the degree of patriarchalism and reduce the
fatherless
 issue in a family. I will try to explain both benefits based on the condition of my country, Indonesia. A current shift where mothers can achieve the same career opportunities as men might diminish the effect of patriarchism. It is a belief that exists in many regions, and consistently puts males as the top priority in any relations. To illustrate, in the early 1900s in Indonesia, females are entitled only to three places with three duties. Kitchen for cooking, bed for mating, and well for house working.
However
, since girls are able to enter the workforce, a lot has changed. Those who previously held patriarchy and overshadowed women all the time already realized that women are as capable as men.
Thus
, if
initially
, mothers were the only ones to handle housework,
then
 nowadays fathers should be able to do it equally.
On the other hand
,
this
 alteration has the likelihood to alleviate the troublesome
fatherless
 problems. As its name implies,
fatherless
 means the lack of involvement or dad figure in daily life. Usually ensued as the breadwinner image being invoked on males.
For example
, a job can take up to 8 to 9 hours per day. It is true that from
this
, a husband can fulfil the financial needs of his youngsters.
Nevertheless
, it is
also
 a hard pill to swallow that he will not have sufficient time to play with the children.
Therefore
, the psychological void will emerge within them. Fortunately, modern belief has countered it,
hence
 men can spend more moments with their sons or daughters. A family's income is not confined to one source anymore.
Overall
, once again, I am fully aligned with
this
 concept. Two benefits have evidently been generated since females have even-handed circumstances with their spouses at work. The social issue of patriarchy and
fatherless
 parents can be lowered. In the future, I assume that
this
 lifestyle will be proliferated in more countries. The advantages are really invaluable.
Submitted by aryasblearning on

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Introduction improvement
Continue to develop a clear, strong thesis statement in your introductions to guide the reader through your essay.
Cohesion enhancement
Use a variety of transitional phrases to seamlessly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Content depth
Include a wider range of supporting examples from multiple sources or cultures to strengthen your arguments.
Proofreading
Remember to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors or typos. Though these are minimal, ensuring perfection can elevate the professionalism of your writing.
Task Response
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, effectively arguing for the sharing of household chores.
Coherence & Cohesion
You organized your essay logically, with a strong introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a coherent conclusion.
Use of examples
The examples and reasons from your own country added a personal and specific touch, enhancing the relevance of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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