IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

There is a moral necessity today for the richer countries of the world help the poorer countries develop in terms of feeding the population, education and health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#necessity #countries #world #terms #population #education #health #care
Society today can be divided into two distinct groups: those that are more developed and those that are less developed.
This
 division is particularly evident in areas
such
 as health, wealth, and education. To address
this
 inequality, I strongly believe that prosperous
nations
 have a moral and societal responsibility to actively support the development of less economically stable
countries
. To respond to
this
 argument, it is important to consider the historical context of wealthy
nations
. Most impoverished
nations
 were primarily former colonies that were heavily influenced by their empires.
Therefore
, affluent
countries
 have had a significant historical impact on less prosperous ones.
Additionally
, in the present day, the most powerful
nations
 perpetuate systemic inequality by exploiting the residents of underdeveloped
countries
,
such
 as by offering foreign labourers lower salaries compared to their domestic counterparts. Given the interdependence of
nations
 and its impact on various domains, it can be inferred that prosperous
nations
 bear the responsibility of assisting impoverished
nations
. In spite of
this
, support should be provided to bolster the economic capabilities of smaller
nations
 in ways that go beyond monetary assistance. As a part of the objective, there should be a dissemination of knowledge, a transfer of technology,
as well as
 the building of capabilities in order to guarantee sustained advancement. Promoting sustainable development requires
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective cooperation between wealthy
countries
, international institutions, and indigenous groups alike in order to achieve success. Enabling underprivileged areas to gain power and control over their circumstances is crucial. Ultimately, the historical process of colonization and the excessive reliance on less powerful
nations
 by more advantaged ones has significantly exacerbated disparities in health, education, and population.
Therefore
, it is undeniably the duty and imperative of wealthier
nations
 to bridge
this
 disparity, which will not only enhance the development of other
countries
 but
also
 provide advantages for themselves.
Submitted by thanhannguyen2209 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While your essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas, there is room for improvement in maintaining a stronger thread of coherence throughout. Consider making use of more cohesive devices and varied sentence structures to achieve a more unified and seamless flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by presenting a clear opinion and you provided a justified argumentation in your essay. To improve your score, work on including more specific examples and evidence to fully develop the argument. Examples serve to root your opinion in concrete instances and provide the reader with a clearer understanding of your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral necessity
  • global solidarity
  • affluent
  • food security
  • global stability
  • poverty reduction
  • global health standards
  • economic instability
  • inequality
  • non-intrusive
  • sovereignty
  • autonomy
  • self-reliance
  • sustainable development
  • international cooperation
  • transparent
  • accountable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: