The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.
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The line graph illustrates the amount of average weekly
patients
Use synonyms
visit in four different
catgories
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categories
in clinics at the hospital between 2010 to 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the
number
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of
patiants
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patients
at the four clinics
is increase
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is increasing
show examples
except for the birth control clinics which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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unchange
Correct your spelling
unchanged
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2010 around 240
patients
Use synonyms
visited
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
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control clinic and
this
Linking Words
number
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rose to approximately 275
patients
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by 2012. But since
then
Linking Words
the
number
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of visitors has
drop
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dropped
show examples
to less than 200, in 2014.
However
Linking Words
, it
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
to nearly 250
by
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in
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the
Change the article
apply
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2016.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
visitor to be
Add a hyphen
visitor-to-be
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eye issues concerning
stated
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started
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at lower by 125 in 2010, and it
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
significantly to 350
patients
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in the year 2016.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
number
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of diabetic
patients
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begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
at
rougly
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roughly
60 and slowly grew to under 100, which
finishing
Wrong verb form
finished
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with sharply expended to 700 by the end of the period.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
appointment
Fix the agreement mistake
appointments
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to
dentist
Fix the agreement mistake
dentists
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fell to half in 2012 but recovered in the next two years at 125 and gradually picked up to under 150.
Submitted by mynonames on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words patients, number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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