For many people the reason they work hard is to earn money. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt these days that hard
work
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is the predominant reason to be wealthy, which is one of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
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to raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
income. The question is, do many people
work
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extra time to get more
money
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or not? In
this
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essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my own opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand, nowadays, earning
money
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is considered crucially important to get a comfortable life. The main reason to support
this
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claim is that 70% of people
work
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more than the actual business hours;
as a result
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, making more
money
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could help them
either
Correct word choice
apply
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provide the basic needs of life,
such
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as food, shelter, and so on, or live without any troubles. To exemplify, if you have extra
money
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, you will not need to loan
money
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from a bank or someone.
On the other hand
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, some people are working hard to achieve their life goals.
Firstly
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, being an active employee will attract your boss,
thus
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you will feel more satisfied and appreciated.
Secondly
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, passion is demanded in our job.
In other words
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, if you are in a medical workplace, it is necessary to put in more effort and be patient.
For example
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, if you are a doctor, you have to be ready for anything at any time; The main cause to withstand
this
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pressure
work
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is passion. In
the
Correct article usage
a
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nutshell, I acknowledge that
money
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is essential in our lives and that we should
work
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hard to earn it.
Although
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we need to make extra
money
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, passion is
also
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mandatory to avoid job burnout.
Submitted by dentdent4 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Introduce your topic, develop each idea in separate paragraphs, and end with a summarizing conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you have provided an introduction and conclusion, aim for more clarity and distinction between them. Start with a hook in your introduction and end with a punchy conclusion that echoes your thesis without simply repeating it.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported, but aim to further develop them with more specific examples and arguments. Use real-world statistics, anecdote, or a hypothetical situation that effectively illustrates your point.
Task Achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task, including agreeing or disagreeing with the statement given. Provide a clear opinion and stick to it throughout the essay.
While your response is relevant, strive to provide more comprehensive explanations of your ideas through deeper analysis. Make sure each paragraph elaborates on a single idea,
Task Achievement
Task Achievement
Enhance your examples by making them more specific and directly related to your argument. Personal examples or universally recognizable situations could be more effective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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