Nowadays, there are many celebrities who are famous for their glamour and wealth rather than achievements and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

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this

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day and age, it is a common belief that The success and wealth of

celebrities

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can have a negative influence on young

people

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However

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, I firmly believe that famous

people

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are

also

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people

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who motivate

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people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

development. I will shed light on my opinion in the following essay. On the one hand, In today's modern age,

people

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tend to focus on

celebrities

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' lifestyles rather than their talents.

First,

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Images of

celebrities

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are often promoted by the media with lavish lifestyles and uncontrolled spending.

This

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can put pressure on young

people

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to want to pursue unhealthy values and spend money unnecessarily.

For example

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, reality television stars famous for their lavish lifestyles often lack notable achievements in fields

such

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as education, arts, or science.

Furthermore

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, information about

celebrities

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' private lives can create unstable family models or complicated relationships, affecting young

people

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's views on marriage and family relationships.

On the other hand

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, It cannot be denied that their actions

also

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have a positive impact on young

people

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Besides

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Celebrities

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can become a source of inspiration for young

people

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by sharing success stories, suggesting the value of hard work and enthusiasm, and encouraging them to set high goals.

In addition

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Many

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many

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celebrities

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participate in charity activities, social campaigns, and community work. They can create awareness and motivate youth to participate in positive activities.

To sum up

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Although

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it is impossible to deny the positive influence of

celebrities

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on the community, not everyone does. Young

people

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should know how to select useful information and follow it

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Fri Jan 05 2024

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task achievement

While your essay does indicate a position regarding the influence of celebrities on young people, it would benefit from a clear and direct thesis statement in the introduction. A succinct thesis sets the stage for the whole essay and demonstrates task achievement.

task achievement

The introduction lacks a full restatement of the question and your stance is not completely clear. The conclusion should summarise the main points and restate your opinion. Both the introduction and conclusion are vital in presenting a complete response to the task.

task achievement

Try to develop arguments more fully. A more detailed exploration of ideas, possibly including counterpoints, would enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay. This depth of analysis directly relates to task achievement.

task achievement

Concrete and relevant examples are scarce in your essay. Including specific examples strengthens arguments and demonstrates a deeper level of engagement with the topic. This would improve the relevance and impact of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Work on developing a more logical structure. Each paragraph should introduce a clear main idea, followed by explanation and example. Use linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

A more clear separation of different viewpoints in different paragraphs would aid in making the structure of your essay easier to follow, therefore enhancing coherence.

coherence cohesion

To increase cohesion, use a variety of transition words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas. This makes your essay more readable and helps to maintain a logical flow throughout.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays, there are many celebrities who are famous for their glamour and wealth rather than achievements and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g., film stars, pop musicians or sport stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many Museums charge for admission while others do not. Do you think that the advantages of charging people into the museum out weights the disadvantages ?