Nowadays, there are many celebrities who are famous for their glamour and wealth rather than achievements and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
this
day and age, it is a common belief that The success and wealth of celebrities
can have a negative influence on young people
. However
, I firmly believe that famous people
are also
people
who motivate people
development. I will shed light on my opinion in the following essay.
On the one hand, In today's modern age, Change noun form
people's
people
tend to focus on celebrities
' lifestyles rather than their talents. First,
Images of celebrities
are often promoted by the media with lavish lifestyles and uncontrolled spending. This
can put pressure on young people
to want to pursue unhealthy values and spend money unnecessarily. For example
, reality television stars famous for their lavish lifestyles often lack notable achievements in fields such
as education, arts, or science. Furthermore
, information about celebrities
' private lives can create unstable family models or complicated relationships, affecting young people
's views on marriage and family relationships.
On the other hand
, It cannot be denied that their actions also
have a positive impact on young people
. Besides
, Celebrities
can become a source of inspiration for young people
by sharing success stories, suggesting the value of hard work and enthusiasm, and encouraging them to set high goals. In addition
, Many
Fix capitalization
many
celebrities
participate in charity activities, social campaigns, and community work. They can create awareness and motivate youth to participate in positive activities.
To sum up
, Although
it is impossible to deny the positive influence of celebrities
on the community, not everyone does. Young people
should know how to select useful information and follow itSubmitted by quynhtranhbh on
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task achievement
While your essay does indicate a position regarding the influence of celebrities on young people, it would benefit from a clear and direct thesis statement in the introduction. A succinct thesis sets the stage for the whole essay and demonstrates task achievement.
task achievement
The introduction lacks a full restatement of the question and your stance is not completely clear. The conclusion should summarise the main points and restate your opinion. Both the introduction and conclusion are vital in presenting a complete response to the task.
task achievement
Try to develop arguments more fully. A more detailed exploration of ideas, possibly including counterpoints, would enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay. This depth of analysis directly relates to task achievement.
task achievement
Concrete and relevant examples are scarce in your essay. Including specific examples strengthens arguments and demonstrates a deeper level of engagement with the topic. This would improve the relevance and impact of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more logical structure. Each paragraph should introduce a clear main idea, followed by explanation and example. Use linking phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
A more clear separation of different viewpoints in different paragraphs would aid in making the structure of your essay easier to follow, therefore enhancing coherence.
coherence cohesion
To increase cohesion, use a variety of transition words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas. This makes your essay more readable and helps to maintain a logical flow throughout.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example