IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that if a country is already rich, further economic development will not result in its citizens being any happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some argue that any
further
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 economic development in a developed
country
Use synonyms
 will not improve its people’s happiness.
This
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 essay completely disagrees with
this
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 statement because their salary will be possibly increased and
this
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 positive condition will open up more employment. First and foremost, strong and positive economic growth in a
country
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 shows that its industries are thriving.
This
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 is because companies are performing well and their profit is growing.
This
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 situation will
also
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 benefit their employees, employers may give bigger bonuses and higher percentage merit increases in their salary. People will have more money to spend on their necessities and save the remaining. Individuals are happier when they are assured that all their basic needs are fulfilled and they can afford more
such
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 as buying cars or even planning a vacation.
For example
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, Shopee's performance in 2022 was better than in previous years and their workers received a larger amount of money as the year-end bonus.
Moreover
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, a good economic situation will allow businesses to do well. Many new businesses are emerging,
this
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 new opportunity will open and absorb more workers. Even in a developed
country
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such
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 as America, there are still jobless and underpaid employees. These new job vacancies from these new companies will provide better options for them to get higher-paying jobs. These will open up opportunities to improve their lives.
For instance
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, in the USA, many workers who get paid under the standard wages are now improving their skills and shifting to start-ups to get better paychecks. In conclusion, even in a developed
country
Use synonyms
, economic development enables its citizens to get higher paychecks because their companies are doing well and new emerging business opens up a better salary for people to have better living standards.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to present your ideas in a clear and logical sequence. This essay could benefit from more effective organization of ideas and smoother transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
To score higher, aim for a variety of cohesive devices and ensure paragraphs flow seamlessly into one another. Some parts of the essay lack these transitions, which can hinder the readability and overall cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay addressed the prompt effectively, providing a clear opinion and reasoning for the disagreement with the statement. To enhance task achievement, outline your main points in the introduction and ensure a summary in the conclusion that reflects back on these points.
task achievement
Ensure ideas are fully developed with comprehensive explanation and analysis, rather than just description. Introduce more complex, detailed examples that support your main ideas and demonstrate an in-depth understanding of the topic.
task achievement
To support your arguments effectively, use a wider range of specific and directly relevant examples. While the examples provided serve the purpose, incorporating a variety of global perspectives and demonstrating a broader range of knowledge would be beneficial.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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