IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that countries should produce the food to feed their population themselves and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that a nation should self-produce the livestock to provide food security for their people and minimize importing the food.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 statement because
this
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 country will be less affected by international stock issues and to sustain its native-grown
plants
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. First and foremost, a self-catered country will be relatively safe when there is an international issue in the produce stocks. If a nation relies heavily on others to fulfil its needs, it will be difficult when the source states face problems. There will be a lower supply and higher unfulfilled demand which causes prices to rise. It will eventually cause inflation and make the economic situation unfavourable.
For example
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, when Thailand was hit by hurricanes, it affected the amount of rice exported to Indonesia.
Thus
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 in Indonesia, there was a noticeable increase in rice prices causing disruption in market prices.
Moreover
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, in some
countries
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, they have special or native
plants
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 that are used as the source of nutrients. These
plants
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 are found only in those
countries
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. By independently planting and supplying food for their people,
countries
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 can
also
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 preserve their native
plants
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.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, Sago is one of the main carbohydrate sources for its citizens in Sulawesi. Other neighbouring states may not grow
this
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 plant in their
countries
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.
Thus
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, self-planting
this
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 livestock will
also
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 preserve the natural diversity and have less dependency on rice. In conclusion, it is important for a country to grow its livestock because they are less impacted when there are problems involved with the exporter states and it can preserve its native
plants
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 as natural diversity.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are not only clear but are also developed and expanded upon. While your essay presents two main points, they could benefit from further elaboration and analysis to deepen the discussion and strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on the variety and complexity of your sentence structures. Employ a range of cohesive devices and linking words effectively to enhance logical flow throughout the essay. Additionally, paragraphs should be well-organized, presenting one central idea each and ensuring that the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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