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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Write at least 250 words.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Nowadays, a significant percentage of
students
 are likely to devote an extensive amount of
time
 to their electronic
devices
due to
 screen addiction. From my perspective,
this
 trend is a negative development with several specific drawbacks for children, including a decline in focus on learning and the potential for visual disorders. Research indicates that a considerable number of
students
 are addicted to smartphone use, spending at least five hours per day.
This
 phenomenon is primarily attributed to the widespread availability of sophisticated
devices
.
Consequently
,
students
 are shifting their modes of interaction and socialization from offline to online platforms.
While
 in the past, pupils had to engage in face-to-face communication to play with others, they can now simply use social media on their smartphones. Unfortunately,
this
 shift often leads children to forsake offline communication, resulting in a significant amount of
time
 being
squandered
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 on these gadgets.
However
, it is evident that being addicted to electronic
devices
 has disastrous consequences.
Students
 with smartphone addiction may struggle to maintain focus during the learning process in class. The more
time
 they spend on these
devices
, the lower their concentration levels become.
Furthermore
, smartphone addiction has been linked to eye disorders
such
 as myopia, a vision disorder that impairs distant vision.
This
 is largely
due to
 the blue light radiation emitted by electronic
devices
, and excessive exposure to
this
 radiation can pose a threat to eye health. In conclusion,
while
 the trend of spending more
time
 on electronic
devices
 has become prevalent among children, the numerous destructive effects it brings about cannot be considered a positive development.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
Make sure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. While your introduction and conclusion are clear, you could improve the essay by ensuring that both questions are answered more explicitly. Address why children spend hours on their smartphones before moving onto the impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay displays a logical structure and there is clear progression of ideas. To enhance coherence and cohesion further, use a wider range of cohesive devices and vary your sentence structures for greater clarity and flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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