IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The air pollution problem is one of the largest problems the world is facing today. What are the some causes of air pollution and what measures can be proposed to solve this problem?

#air #pollution #world #measures
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Air
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pollution
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 is increasing tremendously than ever before
due to
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 many
reasons
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. The burning the fossil
fuels
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 and emissions from
industries
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 are the causes of
air
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pollution
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.
However
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, some possible solutions can overcome
this
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 issue.
This
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following
reasons
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. The two major
reasons
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 why
air
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 is contaminated. One of the major
reasons
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 is that sulphur monoxide is increased when burning fossil
fuels
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 like petroleum products so that toxic chemicals are mixed into the atmosphere,
consequently
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, many deadly diseases arrive
to
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in
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 the population.
For example
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, private vehicles are one of the witnesses for contamination of the
air
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. Another cause is that factories and
industries
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 release a massive amount of carbon monoxide and
this
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 harmful chemicals into the atmosphere, thereby deprecating the quality of the
air
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.
For instance
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, a recent report from the Times of India said that under
the
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apply
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five years of children's brain development is affected when contaminating the
air
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. These are the causes of
air
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pollution
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. Despite these
reasons
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of
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for
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air
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pollution
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, some possible remedies can reduce
this
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 trend. One of the possible solutions is that in terms of people will use public transportation
instead
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 of private vehicles so
thus
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 reducing burning the of fossil
fuels
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.
For example
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, individuals will walk whenever possible or short distance. Another remedy is using alternative
fuels
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instead
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 of fossil
fuels
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such
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 as wind, solar and hydrothermal in order to reduce
the
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apply
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air
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pollution
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.
For instance
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, installing solar panels more and more
at
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in
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 places like factories,
industries
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 and houses so that people can get electricity from solar panels. Ergo, reducing
ratio
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the ratio
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 of burning
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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fossil
fuels
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. These are the solutions
of
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to
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the
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apply
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air
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pollution
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.
To conclude
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,
air
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pollution
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 is increasing rapidly across the globe.
Although
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 burning
the
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apply
show examples
fossil
fuels
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 and emissions released from
industries
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 and factories are the
reasons
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 for contaminating the atmosphere, using public transport
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 cars and installing solar panels are the remedies
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 reduce
this
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 tendency.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear logical structure. Your introduction should present the topic and outline the main points you will discuss. Each paragraph should then further elaborate on these points, leading to a well-supported conclusion. In this essay, while there is an attempt at a logical structure, it could be enhanced by better connecting ideas and using transition words for a smoother read.
coherence cohesion
Your essay introduced the topic and concluded with related remarks, which is good. However, the introduction could include a clearer thesis statement to specifically address the question being asked, and the conclusion could better summarize the points discussed. The paragraph about causes of air pollution did not include a clear topic sentence that signpost to the reader the main focus of the paragraph.
task achievement
Make sure to fully expand on your main points by supporting them with specific examples and evidences. While you mentioned causes such as burning fossil fuels and industrial emissions, these points could be reinforced with more detailed illustrations or statistics. Similarly, your proposed solutions could be more compelling if supported by specific, real-life success stories or research findings.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and comprehensiveness in your ideas. Aim to fully answer each part of the question in a balanced way. In this essay, while you have identified some causes and solutions, there could be a more extensive exploration of the problem and a broader range of solutions could be considered to provide a more comprehensive response.
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